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I don't trust him anymore (not cheating)...

My SO and I have been fighting a lot lately. He's been terrible and rude to me. Calling me names "piece of shit" and telling me he can't stand who I am. I feel emotionally tramatized. I am not sure any other way to put it but I feel like he ripped who I am apart and threw it back in my face. Now we have made up and he's being very nice and kind to me. But I can't shake the fact that I just don't trust him anymore. I do not have any interest in telling him my feelings or really being open to him. I know he's not happy about me being distant and I'm not doing it on purpose. I honestly don't want to depend on him anymore for anything. I just don't know if I'll get over this. Things were good between us for so long and now they are not. I don't know if I can overcome this. How do I trust him again?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:58 AM on Sep. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • It's going to take time. He hurt you, and he is going to have to earn back your trust. In order to make this work, you're going to have to start by letting him in, a little bit at a time. He needs to know why you are being distant, and understand the process that you both have to go through.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 8:01 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • trust has to be earned back..
    verbal abuse is harder to get over than physical,,I guess cause the bruises go away.. from experience I ahve been in a relatioship with
    both physical and verbal,, I am still haunted with things of the past and lately a lot of actions from my eldest son has been resurfacing.
    I keep trying to close that book and go forward,,but he is not giving up and brings it up all the time.
    rjg8156

    Answer by rjg8156 at 8:05 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • That is verbal and emotional abuse. Value who you are even if he does not. Sometimes it is hard to look past the bad behavior, but it may help to find out what is going on with him that caused him to take it out on you. It is very hard for it is as if your insides were attack and that is just as hurtful as if it were a physical attack.
    MaryWolfe

    Answer by MaryWolfe at 8:06 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I don't know if it is abuse...what i do know is there is a certain way you should be treated and you should demand that....If you wish to stay with him and this is not the norm with him....All i can say is it will take time...if you want to trust him again you need to explain to him how what he said made you feel....You will not get over it until you know that he understands how it made you feel....If you can't talk to him or do not want to then maybe you left a while ago....I would take sometime to think about what will make you happy and what you want....You don't have to stay in a relationship to be happy and everyone deserves to find theirs...So, talk to him and see what comes of it....depending the out come...you may get your answer on what to do....
    sharonnacy

    Answer by sharonnacy at 8:42 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I'm so sorry to hear about this! My dad was like this to my mom during their marriage. I don't know if there is a solution. I'm terrible at expressing how I feel in person, so I would consider writing him a letter explaining how these harsh words hurt you and how they are ultimately hurting your marriage and family. Hopefully, the kids can't hear any of this. As I child, I found these exchanges between my parents to be really traumatizing. I still remember some of their fights word for word, and that was 20 years ago.
    jacksmom1225

    Answer by jacksmom1225 at 9:06 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Never let anyone, even your husband, tear you apart. Once you lose who you are, it's very hard to find yourself again. Someone recommended writing a letter, I think that is a great way to express yourself. Next time he calls you a name, try saying, I'm sorry I'm not perfect like you....good luck
    hazeleyezmommy

    Answer by hazeleyezmommy at 9:10 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • honestly you two are not married yet yes? welp this is a wake up call. he isnt going to change. and if he can justify it to himself to call you those things NOW out of anger, it wont get better down the road.
    BlacksheepSati

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 9:21 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • we are married with R girls. He asked me to move out last week. I left for awhile and he apoligized and I came home. Since he has tired to be nice to me but I just feel mistrust.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:29 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • 3 girls I mean
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:30 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I have been through a husband and 2 boyfriend that who were horribly both emotionally and physically abusive to me...the problem is that when the bruises heal you are still left with the voices inside your head that tell you youre a piece of shit...not worth anything...and the worse part is my two beautiful boys are left with having to deal with what they heard and saw...this has caused them much stress and turmoil....my middle child is suicidal and my oldest is just angry...they have ongoing counsoling to help them sort out their feelings and try to put this stuff behind them but it doesn't always go away fully...good luck to you and yours I hope that you can get back on track...
    hillydilly

    Answer by hillydilly at 11:51 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

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