Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Married and might have to live apart

we have been engaged a year now and want to married next sept. We have two houses
to sell and buy a 4 bedroom house (3 teen in all blending family they are not to happy
about it). would it be to weird to marry and possible live apart for a short time till
we merge everything. want to be able to spend night together maybe vacation as man and
wife andset the right example for teens


Answer Question
 
suesues

Asked by suesues at 8:17 AM on Sep. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 4 (37 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I think it would be kind of odd to live seperatly, but if that is whats best to help your families merge together, then it is right.
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 8:18 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I think being married and living apart is a smart idea. It would give time for adjustments since teens are involved.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:19 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Whether or not it is odd to others would have no bearing to me. If it is what works for you, I say go for it! Sure, it's not ideal, but you do what you have to do and if you think it is the best way to set a good example for your children I say do what works for you!
    AmeliasMommy206

    Answer by AmeliasMommy206 at 8:20 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • No, it isn't too weird. Plenty of people do it because of jobs in differents states, as just one example. Best wishes.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 8:22 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • You really need to just make sure your doing what makes you and the family happy. Mixing up children can be very hard and moving is even harder. Sit down with them all and see what they say, even though they are happy about the merge they may have some ideas and may even express some bottled up feelings in the process and then you can base your decision on that. Thats what I would do. My step daughter wasnt happy about moving here with us but I always put her best interest at heart and did what I felt was right for the whole family at the time.

    Best of luck to you!

    Annie
    lovinmy3babies

    Answer by lovinmy3babies at 8:22 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I think that if you and your future hubby thinks that is the right thing to do then that what you should do. I do think that lovinmy3babies has a point about you all should sit down as a family and see what comes out of the family meeting. Merging a family is difficult you all want EVERYONE to be on the same page. Of course you are gonna have small issues here and there but the whole family needs to be understanding where everyone is feeling and coming from.

    Just about 2 months ago my hubby and I had moved his oldest son that is 13 in with us we had this planned that he would be moving in before the school year started and we all talked everything over. He has rules here other then at his mothers he walked all over her and she had no control over anything with him.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 8:50 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • IMO it is best to live together after getting married so that the kids know how it will be. My step kids were not happy about the changes of getting married, moving in, ect. I think that no matter how long you wait to make them get used to it, they will not actually 'get used to it' until it happens.

    Then each kid is different, but all dread change. My s-daughter who had the biggest change to also have to get used to sleeping in her own bed actually adapted very quickly. My s-son had a rocky few months where he was just unhappy and made sure we all knew he was not happy all the time... once he got used it, he was fine. We have been together 3 years now... and other than regular family challenges the kids have all adjusted well to the combo family.

    My advice is to make your home they way you want it to be as quickly as possible and help the kids adjust. You have a year to work on combining.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 10:15 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • My observation of divorced parents.... is that they feel guilty and give the kids too much power.

    If you were not divorced and had to move or make a particular family change, you would consider the kids but ulimately do what was best for the family.... whether they liked it or not.

    You would consider not living with your husband until the kids got used to it? Remember that you deserve to be happy. The kids can adjust, but if you give them the power to make this choice they will make a selfish choice because they are kids and dread change. If you want to live with your husband, then you need to do everything to make that work and help the kids adjust.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 10:25 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I lived apart from my husband for 3 months. The reason was work. THat being said, it was the hardest part of our marriage so far.
    Mom2Just1

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 10:36 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • My mom remarried when I was 14. There were 4 teenagers involved, and their 8 kids (4 each) are so close in age that for a month, 7 of us were teenagers. I find an arrangement like this weird and think it would be easier to sell and move everyone and let them know that changes happen when people get married. I might have been able to hold onto the dream of my mother remarrying her second husband (who is basically my dad when it comes to anything other than DNA) if she wasn't living with her new husband.

    Since you have so much time, I would just jump in together after the wedding.
    tyheamma

    Answer by tyheamma at 11:09 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in General Parenting
would you refuse ?

Next question overall (Just for Fun)
Monday Morning