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4 Bumps

Curious for advice.

My boyfriend was promoted at work several months ago, and hates his job more now than he did pre-promotion. Because of the added stress, he is almost always in a bad mood, stressed out, or defensive. At times it feels like walking on eggshells with him. He tells me it has nothing to do with me (his mood), and that when he is upset/bothered by something, he shuts down. I know that this for a fact is true, so I can understand that part of it. But lately, to me, it seems like he complains about things I do. Like, he seems to always expect me to be in a good mood. Maybe to help counter his bad one. And he told me today that I occasionally got on his nerves and complained. I know he was just being honest, but it hurt my feelings. Should I take this personally? Attribute it to the fact that his work stress is making him unhappy with himself overall? I asked him if he was unhappy with me and he said no...so what should I do next?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:45 AM on Sep. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • sounds like at work there is little to nothing he can do to change how stressful it is and how much he hates it. so i am thinking as a result, which he is likely not aware of, in seeking to find SOMETHING he can conrtol or change he is nitpicking at you a litle bit. i would not take it too personally, just understand where its coming from. if it gets too be too much then just look him dead in the eyes and tell him that you understand he is stressed, you understand he has no control or ability to change that at work, but that he needs to be aware of how he is treating YOU as a result.
    BlacksheepSati

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 9:53 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • tell him that his work needs to stay at work , just like home life needs to stay at home and if he cant seperate the two then maybe he should be looking for another job with less stress........
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 10:03 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I completely agree with BlacksheepSati. It is most likely work related but there is only so much you can take before it can become too much for you. My husband is not a talker but sometimes he has to suck it up and listen to me too. Sit down with him maybe during supper or after your kids are asleep and point it out in a non accusing way and ask for a little understanding!
    BellaKristy

    Answer by BellaKristy at 10:06 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • The main thing in a relationship is that you have communication. So when he is in a bad mood and does not want to talk at the moment that he gets home. Give him about 30 minutes to himself. That is what I do when Dustin gets home. And then another thing that can help is and I know this sounds cliche or whatever but the house, just have it at tip top shape when he comes home. Have his favorite dinner. Sit down and talk. And when you talk do not yell. Do not get aggrevated. You need to both be calm. Think of somethings that he likes to do even if you do not exactly like them and suggest that you guys do that some time. You work on what he likes and show interest you make him more comfortable. Try these things and I have more tips but not enough space in here to type it. So message me if you want.
    courtneyrogers

    Answer by courtneyrogers at 10:08 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I think that when he gets home let him have some time to himself to relax....let him talk to you...if you know you did nothing wrong then don't ask if it is you...some men expect that you already know what it is (work)....Once he is relaxed then you can ask him how was work and let him vent....My husband works 16+ hours 5 days a week and 6 hours on sat....He seems to be always in a bad mood...and me letting him relax when he gets home and letting him come to me to talk is working....I know what he likes to do for fun and I always try to make plans for him....For example now, i am planning a poker tournament for him and 10+ people...Doing something that he likes and has fun doing is away for him to forget about work...when men get home from work they don't like to be reminded of it when they get home...and i do believe he is picking on you just bc of all the stress he is feeling....hang in there...I'm sure it will get better
    sharonnacy

    Answer by sharonnacy at 10:20 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • ha a talk with him if he will sit down with you
    ladybug36519

    Answer by ladybug36519 at 10:38 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • oh I hate that...my SO has moved away from all his friends and family recently so that we could move into a house that my uncle owns where we got a really good price on it....this has put him in a extremly bad mood and depression that he doesn't even realize he has gotten into...when I ask him about it he says no Im not..everythings fine...then why the hell do you seem so upset all the time...Iguess sometimes you just have to cope with what life throws you and get through it together...as long as that is really the case of him not being upset with you...it sucks but I just hope when I am in a less than favorable mood he gives me some room too...
    hillydilly

    Answer by hillydilly at 11:36 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • tell him how much your appreciate how hard he works for you guys and try to give him more sex.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 12:01 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • you should just sit down and talk to him about it while both you guys are relaxed. go out for a nice date night or somthing you havent done in awhile and get the stress off.
    hotmommy420

    Answer by hotmommy420 at 12:50 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • For all the ladies that suggested letting him relax when he gets home. We don't live together. And because of work, don't get to see each other very often.
    countrygirl1987

    Answer by countrygirl1987 at 6:09 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

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