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How do I cope with my 14 yr old Step-son who "acts" and says he hates me?

I have been an active part of my step-sons life for over 2 years now. His birth mother for all intense purposes basically chose her lifestyle over her sons. I have tried to be a good parent to all 3 children ( they are ages 7, 10 and 14 all boys). I have very minimal trouble with my 7 and 10 year old but no matter what I say or do my 14 year olseems to resent me. I have been told that part of this is normal teen behavior but he is so great with everyone else; it is only me that he swears at, makes rude gestures, back talks, defies etc. He has even told his younger brothers he hates me but would not say why. His dad has tried speaking with him numerous times but nothing changes. His dad works 6 days a week and 10 hours a day; something he has always done. I am a stay-at-home mom. We are talking about getting married but I feel I am at my breaking point with the disrespect and overall bad treatment from my 14 yr old. Help pls!

 
iamcabingirl

Asked by iamcabingirl at 1:02 PM on Sep. 27, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 3 (13 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • We all know that he's acting out because of the situation he's been put in. He's a teenage boy, who's confused and instead of taking his anger out on his biological parents, he's taking it out on the person of convenience, YOU so don't take it as a personal attack on who you are and the position you play in his life. He's angry, he's hurting and he needs answers to the question that's burning inside of him ...forget counseling for him because he's not going and if he does go, he'll probably do what all kids do, "trick" the counselor into believing everythings fine...You are the one who needs to take the appropriate step in dealing with this sitaution...I read a book called Conquering Conflict by Emily Bouchard. It has steps in dealing with anger in blended families. It may help you. Better yet Google, Conflict in Blended Families and see what self-help books are available for you..
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:46 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Divorce is tough. Kids always want to see their parents back together, so until he accepts that that isn't going to happen, he will continue to resent you. I would be patient. These things take a lot of time, more than 2 years apparently. He will come around, don't push it, just be there for him.
    SabrinaBean

    Answer by SabrinaBean at 1:08 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • He is the child and no matter what you think you are doing for him he will not see it that way. You are there and the person wh he is really mad at is not there. the truth is only he will know and maybe he needs someone outside of you and his father to unload on and tell what he truly needs to. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:11 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • its most likely being a teen and the fact that ur always around and he feelscomfortable enough with you to act like this. remeber his real mom left him and that could also be part of the issue. he may be testing you... i would try putting him in some activity so he can vent his rage and if it dont work try counseling, or maybe writing to his mom. and if you still can him to respect you. tell him if he wants he can go live wiht the women who left him in the first place since he obviouly doeant want to live with someone who loves him and enjoys having him around...
    sometimes confrontation is a good thing.
    jlouise03

    Answer by jlouise03 at 1:08 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Really jlouis03 she is the outsider telling him he can go live with someone who does not want him. Truthfully it does not matter what you see but what he feels his family has been obliterated and now you are there. Its hard to see someone in place of your own mother and you think she walks on the water. He needs counseling and some time to come around.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:18 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I am sure you are right pinkdragon36. I wish he could see though that I truly care about him; his own mother is unfortunately addicted to drugs...the story is both long and very sad with all 3 boys getting thrown away...I guess I just had this fairy tale ending in my head that if I could show him true love he would appreciate it but honestly it is just the opposite. i wish I could get him into counseling but neither him nor his father would have any part of that. His dad says he just needs time...God I hope that is true...I really do love them all but I am having a hard time "liking" Dylan (the 14 yr old) and keepping my cool is getting harder and harder
    iamcabingirl

    Comment by iamcabingirl (original poster) at 1:22 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

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