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4 Bumps

Spending money on your teen's friends????

I am really feeling taken advantage of lately. It seems that whenever I take my 13 year old daughter and her friends someplace I am constantly shelling out money. I understand that you extend the invite then you pay, but this is rediculous. If they just ask for a ride some place, for instance an outdoor shopping mall, my daughter expects me to buy food and drinks for all her buddies. I know these girls have money on them, but they hold on to it for more important things. I am so done with this. How do you handle the friends and money issue?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Sep. 27, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (12)
  • I would not do that. I would tell my daughter that I wasn't going to be doing that any more, and she should tell her friends. Of course, they would rather spend your money than theirs, but that does not mean you have to do it.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:32 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Just tell them to buy their own food
    AWebber212

    Answer by AWebber212 at 1:34 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • If I'm the parent offering the ride, I do not pay for the other kids. I only pay for the friends if my boys invited for special occassions or asked if they could hang out during one of our family days - if we go to the movie or out to dinner or boating. Most times the kids typically pay back a portion the next time we go out, or the other parents will pay for my boys from time to time. I would not pay however if you are the parent giving them a ride to a place they planned or intended to spend the day together.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:45 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Every once in a while, I enjoy treating the kids to a soda, an ice cream, or a slice. But usually everyone pays for their own, regardless of who is driving.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 2:00 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I pay for the other kids if it's an event we invited them to go to with us. I don't pay if it's just giving them a ride to the mall or whatever.
    missingruth

    Answer by missingruth at 2:05 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Let your daughter be responsible for paying for her own, and then she'll realize that it's not always an option to pay for everyone. If she doesn't get an allowance, start one and let her know that she is responsible for paying for her own extras with that money. If you aren't paying for her snacks at the mall, then it would be really strange for the other girls to expect you to pay for theirs.  It will also be a great learning experience for your daughter.

    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 2:23 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Just say "no". Let your daughter know that you will not be paying for them unless it is an invited event and agreed upon before.
    MomIWant

    Answer by MomIWant at 3:20 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Sorry guys, I'm tapped out.
    That's what I say.
    cleanaturalady

    Answer by cleanaturalady at 7:22 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • You need to discuss this with your daughter in private. Explain to her that when you offer her friends a ride you will NOT be paying for them when you take her to eat or shopping. Tell her that the bank is officially closed to her friends unless you personally invite them yourself to go out to eat with you and your daughter.
    You allowed this to happen so they now expect it. You now have to be firm by explaining it to your daughter first and then sticking to your own rule - no exceptions.
    PrydferthMenyw

    Answer by PrydferthMenyw at 12:51 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • if you are only the driver, only give your daughter enough for herself.

    Unless you are taking them to an amusement park in which you are attending with them and invited them to (or other like activities) it's not your job to shell out the cash.

    If you want to be more discreet, tell your DD before you get there, that you only have x amount, and that her friends will have to cover their own way. It's up to her to own up to them to shell out their own cash from there.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:54 AM on Sep. 29, 2010

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