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How can I get my 13 yo daughter to talk to me?

My 13 yo daughter is very distant with me and avoids any conversation with me. She usually rolls her eyes or has a snide remark when I ask her anything. I know the teen years are hard but how will I get through this? She is teaching her little sister to be just like her too.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on Oct. 21, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • You give her the silent treatment... Ignore her for a while.. don't do her laundry, don't cook for her or offer her anything.. she will come around!

    Answer by pupmom at 9:39 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • Don't worry...she'll come around. When she's 22. :) Sorry. I don't have any good advice. My daughter is just a baby, but hang in there. Try to remember what it was like for you when you were that age. Just make sure she knows that you love her. :)

    Answer by StarLee at 9:40 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • I know how you feel. I am going thru it now too. I use texting and e-mail. It seems to work.

    Answer by chefjen at 9:44 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • Do you and your daughter have any common interests? Maybe she would open up to you, if you guys did something you both enjoyed together.

    Answer by danielle8717 at 9:46 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • I have to state I would never ignore my child to get her to talk to me as the first poster said- that is just mean. This age is probably one of the hardest especially girls. My daughter is 14 and she was "moody" like that too. I remember when I was that age I was totally the same way. Try doing something together like a manicure or something she may enjoy, just the two of you , tell how much you love her and that you understand that she doesn't always want to talk with you and you understand that yet let her know if she ever does want to talk you are always there. Don't pry unless you think she is in danger, at this age friends are just more important so that is who she is talking to. you are just "old" in her eyes. Letting her grow up and going to be one of the hardest things you ever have to do-hang in there because someday she will come to realize that you are her best friend.

    Answer by candygirl1030 at 9:52 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • I text and email too. It actually is nice because you can say what you want without being interrupted and also letting her say what she wants to say fully. It seems impersonal. But it does get to be fun. I text her in the middle of the day and she'll answer during her lunchtime. Just that...make it funny sometimes and then make it serious sometimes to really reach the goal. And then maybe it will just happen that it will become comfortable for them to approach us.

    Answer by momcrash at 2:04 PM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • Candygirl and momcrash are right on with their advise....try and do some fun things with her You can let her know that how she is talking to you is not acceptable in a calm way(no yelling) and that it is effecting the way her little sister is talking to you too....I recorded how my 15 yo was talking to the family and that was a real eye opener for her....I left the recording for her with a card that said I love you and that I knew that she loved us too and I just wanted her to know how she sounded to everyone around has improved our home 100 %....

    Answer by malam at 5:40 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Alone time without the younger sister seems to work well for us. Sometimes we have 'sleepovers' in my bed where we make popcorn and watch movies; go out to lunch; go to the mall for sometime SMALL, like new mascara, etc. I'm right there with you though and you're not alone. Cherish the good days (as they are few and far between some weeks!)

    Answer by incomewaxcom at 3:05 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • i am at the same stage - when they do speak to you, it's nasty and rude. . .. .. I think we just need to pick our battles - only the big ones - but i do find for us that discipline really helps the attitude too. My daughter is much more pleasant after and during a grounding ( w/o her cell and computer ) . They need to know we love them - but have their space - and still have reasonable boundaries and punishments .

    Answer by tobchintz at 8:00 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Well my 14 y/o daughter is like that from time to time. Silly thing is sometime I just get right into her face and give it back to her. It usually breaks the cycle for a few days.
    My thing is this, if you want me to respect you the same is needed back to me. I also do notice that they need a little more responsibilities. More trust. Show her that you see her maturing, give her a little rope, adult things to do. My daughter learned to knit at that age, it seperates her form younger kids. Then she is proud of her accomplishments.
    Keep talking, and keep asking her questions. Keep letting her know that you value and respect her opinion. Let her say choose what is for dinner and make it. Say tacos or something like that.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 10:29 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

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