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3 Bumps

I can't deal with my difficult child anymore, and I don't want to be around her any longer.

My 27 month old is driving me crazy. It's more than your typical "terrible twos". Everything I ask her is "no"-a loud, angry "no", followed by a smirk. When I try to comfort her after a fall or a bumped knee/shin, she seems to get angry. If she doesn't get to watch Handy Manny, she has a screaming fit. She doesn't want to ride in the stroller anymore. She doesn't want to ride in the shopping carts anymore, which makes what used to be an enjoyable shopping trip a total disaster-fighting with her to stop touching things on the shelves, etc.

I just don't want to be around her anymore, and my feelings frighten me. I don't have any help. My SO (her dad) is always "too busy" to come over and babysit. He gets to sleep in and have a nice, relaxing life while I struggle with our child. I have major depression and can't work, so I'm in the house with her 24/7.

Can you help me?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Sep. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • I suggest time outs, taking away handy manny or other things she enjoys (except food or drink). She has come to believe that she is in charge and that there are no cnsequences to her actions. That is what you need to change. As far as her Dad...tell him to man up and take care of her.
    hill_star03

    Answer by hill_star03 at 2:04 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Well it sounds like you have been too easy on her.. That's how my daughters were.. they thought they ruled the roost! I was with their dad for 8 years, but he was too busy messing around on me to help with our daughters, so I did it on my own. I gave into everything they wanted just to shut them up. That was a BIG mistake. Now, I have an amazing boyfriend who helps me & he has taught me to be stronger with them. If they cry and throw a fit, put them in their bedroom until they calm down. Don't give into what they want if they are going to little brats all the time. It takes a little while to change them, but it really works. Good luck.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 1:53 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • i think you should talk to your local welfare office, see if there is any type of respit care available. what this is is a small amount of paid daycare with an approved state provider for your child to get some time away and you to get a break. some states have it some dont. is there a grandparent on either side who could spell you even for a half day to kinda get your wind back .
    BlacksheepSati

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 1:53 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Take a deep breath and leave her in her room or somewhere safe, go sit outside on the porch or something alone. You need a few minutes alone. Even just 5 minutes can help you a lot. If her dad is too busy to care for his own child then maybe you need to move on, I wouldn't be calling him my SO (significant other) anymore. You need some help, do you have friends or family around? Try joining a play group so that you can at least get out with her and meet other moms.
    mrspierce06

    Answer by mrspierce06 at 1:54 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • you need to see a doctor ASAP and get some help...you need a break, you need someone to talk to and you probably should be on some meds... im not saying youre crazy or youre a bad Mom but you cant fix the issues with your daughter while you are feeling this way and she wont want to cooperate at all if her Mommy is always angry and sad....something has to change here...GL!!
    mamagee1218

    Answer by mamagee1218 at 1:56 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • a few ideas... (some may have already mentioned them)....

    ~ choices are good... yes/no choices not so much... For example... Do you want to ride in the cart - NO! vs. Do you want to ride in the big basket or the seat? (either option is fine cause she's still in the cart). Just make sure you're ok with both answers. Or... do you want dinner - NO! vs. do you want spaghetti or lasagna tonight? (either way she's eating)

    ~ I'm a big fan of not giving in for my 22 month old. We sat outside the enterance of the grocery store one day because he was pitching a fit about not pushing the cart (he loves to push the little carts that hold baskets) but we were leaving so he sat there screaming and pitching a fit. I made sure he was out of the way and safe and let him scream his little heart out. When he figure out that Mom wasn't giving in he moved on.

    Cont. below
    terpmama

    Answer by terpmama at 2:23 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • It's not about what she wants. The fact that she's throwing fits to watch a show? would end our watching that show for a very long time.
    If she throws a fit and the fit gets her out of riding in the cart, then the fit was rewarded. Fits cannot be met with giving in - if you give in when she has a fit, you are teaching her that throwing fits is how to get what she wants.
    You need firm rules and firm consequences - and need to enforce the consequences each and every single time she breaks the rule. The sooner you eliminate the bad behaviors, the sooner you'll find that your life is much more pleasant.
    caseyandkids

    Answer by caseyandkids at 2:39 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I know it is easier said than done, but you DO need to get out of the house!! Maybe her behavior is because she is bored - kids that age need stimulus. Take her on nature walks and challenge her to "find" things like a red leaf or a silver rock...take her to the park you might meet some other mommies there that can relate to your situation.

    I think you will both feel better! Good luck!
    chefronswife

    Answer by chefronswife at 1:57 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • you gotta say to yourself do I love my daughter is yes you know as her mothr you are there to make choices in her best interest which is appropriate behavior and keeping mommy sane disicipline in public doesn't make you a bad mom sternly telling her how you feel about what she is doing even if ten people are watching give her your warning and let her know mommy is in charge
    ChocoGreenmama

    Answer by ChocoGreenmama at 2:00 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • ive been here, i go through major depressions in and out bc of a genetic disorder i finally now have it under control when i am deppressed my child is worse, dont get me wrong hes a handful but he was abnormally acting out, i was home alone w him all the time and my husband was normally gone for months for work...i would get hot flashes and anxiety in the morning and thinking about dealing him made me cringe i knew i loved him but everything was too much for me to handle let alone a very bad 2 year old. but yea i definately had to get a handle on him and not let him walk over me when youre depressed its hard to stay consistant and be firm, she needs limits and dont cave to screaming or anything let her see she will not ever get what she wnts from that it really sounds too like you might need to go back to the drs bc i always had a harder time w him the more depressed i was. its been about a year since my last depresion and te
    Kre10

    Answer by Kre10 at 2:00 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

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