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2 Bumps

How do I reach my adult teen daughter when she is making poor decisions?

Now that my daughter is off at college, she is making her own decisions about things, but I feel that she is being unduly influenced by her boyfriend. He is able to convince her that the family is not looking out for her best interest. The latest, she came home, but did not contact us. Ran into her at the store. She tried to tell me she was going to come home and surprise us, but the times didn't seem to work out. Just printed out some fliers from ABW, hoping that she will see a pattern and get out while she still can. Any other ideas or suggestions?

Answer Question
 
Heartmusic

Asked by Heartmusic at 1:58 PM on Sep. 27, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 6 (143 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Good luck. From my own experience she will need to go down this road on her own and take a detour to a better road when she is able. If I were you I would love her where she is at, don't try and change her or change her mind about the person she is with. If you come on to strong you run the risk of her not wanting you in her life.
    Mommy2Gabrielle

    Answer by Mommy2Gabrielle at 2:10 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Well, honestly, it depends on what decisions you think she is making. If you think she's drinking excessively or something like that, then you should talk to her. But if you just keep telling her that her boyfriend isn't good for her she'll just want to be with him even more to annoy you. The only thing you really can do is wait untill she sees that he isn't good for her.
    mac23

    Answer by mac23 at 2:12 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • :-) hugs !! Been there.... Sometimes our children leave us for awhile, but they always come back. My suggestion is to have no expectations, love her and enjoy what you can. If we keep trying to control or change them we will just push them further away. The best thing you can do is to accept that she is an adult and let go. Get a few more hobbies, keep yourself busy and just focus on loving her. You only need to be the example and let her learn. Sometimes that is the best thing for them and us. It could always be worse. I have some friends who have lost children- they would cherish being in your shoes. Keep your humor and don't let the pain occupy space in your head !! It will get easier.
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 2:30 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Its hard to watch your child make mistakes based on someone else's opinions and influences BUT the hard reality of it all, we have to let it go and hold on to a higher power that will eventually lead her back down the path in which she should go.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:20 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • It sounds like she needs space. She is finding herself & experiencing independence. Give her time, Mama
    NicolesMommy

    Answer by NicolesMommy at 2:01 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • My head knows that she needs space and time to figure things out. My biggest concern is that she will stay in an abusive situation. I know that she does not see the potential for harm in the current relationship. I may be too sensitive to it, coming from a similar situation myself. Thank you for all of your support and good wishes. I never dreamed it would be this hard to love someone this much.
    Heartmusic

    Comment by Heartmusic (original poster) at 11:50 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • I can well imagine how hard it is to watch. Hang in there.

    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 6:21 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Honestly, unless she's in an abusive relationship, you are going to probably have to let her take her fall the hard way on this one. Love blinds a lot of us women, and sometimes we have to get our hearts broken to learn what a looser we were with.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:28 AM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • When you find out, let me know! I have the same troubles.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 2:00 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • There before the grace of God go I.
    mp3mom

    Answer by mp3mom at 12:41 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

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