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Am I doing the right thing?

I've been home with dd, 19 mo, since she was born. She's always had a lot of difficulty separating from me. She would get HYSTERICAL even going to grandma, but is a bit better now. We go to classes, we joined a moms group. But the classes are often huge, and its difficult to form relationships when a class is just 8 weeks and people come from all over. The kids in the moms group are always just a little too much older or younger. Its also not a very active group. Her grandparents are here, but no aunts or cousins nearby.

So I recently accepted a part time job. DD will go to daycare two mornings per week. She'll make some friends, get better separating from me. I can't help feeling so guilty, since I know this is going to be VERY hard for her. I worked so hard to be able to stay home, and I feel like I failed her, not being able to make friends for her. But I did the best I could!
Just looking for reassurance!

Answer Question

Asked by kimberlyann_214 at 2:43 PM on Sep. 27, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 8 (218 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Whatever you have decided I am sure was not reached lightly so must be right for your family.

    Answer by Melbornj at 2:45 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Hugs! You will both be fine, she WILL make friends and probably be better adjusted when it comes to sperating. My 17 month old is thriving in an at home daycare - it does not mean I do not feel guilty, but she seems to really enjoy it!

    Answer by chefronswife at 2:47 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I think your doing the right thing. Daycare really helped my daughter and I'm hoping it helps my son when he starts in the next month

    Answer by Smiley001 at 2:48 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • she will have a hard time at the start
    but even after you leave the first few times, she will calm down and she will enjoy
    the tears are for you, but when you leave, she will be having fun

    if given an opportunity, watch her after "you leave her" and see how long it takes her to calm and explore her new fun place
    try to relax, really hard i know, but she will be ok
    and she will have peer time- a great thing for her- a rotten thing for you to separate

    moms have separation anxiety too
    and sounds like you have it
    remember good for her, only two morning a week

    Answer by fiatpax at 2:48 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • You are doing a great job! You sound like a good mom! It is important that your little one is comfortable in many situations. Its ok that you are going to be working, I work part time and my son goes to daycare. It is a small home daycare and he loves it. I know that he is learning how to transistion away from me and how to interact with others. Even in the summer when I dont work, he goes for a couple hours a week. Do not feel guilty. You will still be with your little one a ton and this may help with seperation.

    Even if the transistion is hard for you stay really positive in front of your child. Also, dont linger when you drop your child off. Say goodbye give a hug and leave. It may be hard but your sitter can comfort and it doesnt drag things out. Good luck and feel free to msgme for more tips!!!

    Answer by crazy4u49033 at 2:49 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I know it is hard to go to work and leave your little one. I have 3 kids and the youngest one is always at my hip. But she is now in kindergarten and is making a few friends. If your worried you failed as a parent you did not. Your giving her the skills she needs to go up. Maybe a photo of you while she is gone would help and knowing your always coming back to get her she will realize it is okay. I hope I helped out a little bit. Keep your head it up cause it will get better.

    Answer by momindiana at 2:52 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • This is a good thing as much as it makes you sad. I am also a SAHM that needs some "me" time. When my DS was 19 months I joined a gym with a daycare. The 1st week was horrible. He cried when I left and it killed me. I kept telling myself that i am going to have to do this sooner and later. If I give up then he will know he can convince me of this every time. I trudged through the 1st week and that was over a year ago and he absolutely LOVES it. He talks about all the kids that are there daily and the caregivers whom we often use for a private sitter. She will be fine. I promise. Be strong, you are a good mommy. GL!!

    Answer by coolchic320 at 2:57 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • She might have a hard time in the beginning but she needs to learn that just bacause she's not with you right then doesn't mean you're not comming back. My youngest had problems with that at first but has gotten better. She willl make friends and will be just fine. And its hard I know but its good for her to be around kids he own age.

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 3:27 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Thanks everyone for your input and reassurance! It helps just to hear that I'm doing a good job and that we'll all be fine, and that other people have been there!!

    Comment by kimberlyann_214 (original poster) at 7:38 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • you are an awesome mommy! :) as far as your daughter goes, you are doing the right thing. she needs friends and (gulp) kids she isnt gonna get along with so well. i was a sahm who when to work a couple months ago. i felt horrible cause i was anti day care, and i wasnt gonna go to work till he was in school blah blah blah. needless to say he only cried for like 4 days, which is pretty much what i expected. but it has brought out such an amazing side of our relationship. its like being away from each other really makes us appreciate our time together a lot more. lol and while i knew all the bad things hed pick up (biting, scratching etc) i never thought about the cute things he'd pick up (fake hiccups, this cute wave "bye bye" they do at school, songs and dances) in the end i think going to "school" is an amazing experience that i think even sahm mommys should give themselves and their babies a couple times a week...

    Answer by nessamarie at 11:55 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

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