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5 Bumps

Can you be in love without a physical attraction?? So I have been in a relationship with my bf for many, many years now, but since we had our son he tells me that he loves me, but he is not attracted to me anymore. What does this mean??? adult content

I know he loves me, he would do anything for me. We have a wonderful 2 year old son, bought a house, a car, joint accounts, are engaged to get married and everything. We are even trying to get pregnant again. But he will only have sex with me for that reason no other reason, he said he is just not attracted to me, and I am confused to how he can still love me. I have put on about 20 pounds since having my son, most of it is belly weight, I would still consider myself attractive. And he has also put on some weight and I probably love him more now because we are so much closer. I know things are different for guys, but is this worth worrying myself to death about?? I just think that he should love me for me, I don't understand how we can be together...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:43 PM on Sep. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • I, personally, cannot be with someone I am not attracted to.. Call me shallow, I suppose. But I wouldn't want someone to be with me if they wasn't attracted to me either. I think physical attraction is one of the most important parts of a relationship.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 3:44 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • It was wrong for him to say that. It sounds weird he will only have sex with you to concieve a baby. I would hold off on that for now if I were you. He should love you for you.Id start couples therapy to see what the underlying issue is.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 3:46 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I agree with the ladies above
    4_28_bbboy

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 3:49 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • i dont know!! that would definetly confuse me too...but take this into consideration...when two couple divorce or seperate they can still love each other because you cant just kick them to the curb and thats that. Maybe thats part of it? he loves you because you gave him children and a house and everything else, so basically he loves you for the things you DO but if someone else were to come along...with so much better things to offer, and a physical attration, he'd take it?
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 3:49 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I wouldn't have another child with him at this time. Are you attracted to him? If you stay together are you going to miss having a sexual relationship relationship after you have conceived? Some people love each other as friends moreso than lovers - it's up to the individuals involved if this is acceptable. To me it wouldn't be.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 3:53 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Can someone still "love" w/out attraction.... Yes. Humans love aspects of people. We love some aspects more than we do others. I love many, if not the majority of the aspects that make my husband who he is, there are a few however that I do not. Doesn't mean I love " him" the being that is him any less.

    Now. What he said to you. Though honest, and if there is such an issue in a relationship couples should be honest with one another, it wasn't not tactful or very well explained. He didn't share what it is that he no longer finds attractive. And that could be anything. Think about it, there are specific things we find attractive/unattractive about a person and there is usually a reason behind it as well. It's not always about physical appearance.

    If I were you. I would sit him down and have an open and honest discussion about this. What it is he doesn't find attractive, why? and what you guys can do about it together.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:53 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • He is telling you he loves you because of your history and children together, but there is a difference in loving someone and being in love, the lack of attraction comes from not being in love. I know this is hard to hear, but this is what I would deduct if my hubby were to make the same statement to me.
    older

    Answer by older at 3:54 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • It's hard to tell, hon. I think you can love someone without being physically attracted them, but love would make that person attractive to you. I'm not sure what is going on with your fiance but you would do well to talk with him or perhaps go into counseling with him to see what is going on.
    duckigrrl

    Answer by duckigrrl at 3:58 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • as long as he is attracted to you emotionally and finds things about you attractive aside from your body i think it's possible to still love you. i'm not attracted to my husband physically and to tell you the truth i was never really into guys body unless of course it's like a super male model with a hot bod.most everyday men aren't like that. i love my husband very much. although i do think it's different for a women then a man. men are more into physical beauty then women are into a mans physical beauty. if he wants you thin again or belly flab gone tell him after your done having babies you'll be willing to let him pay for your tummy tuck.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 4:05 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • There is no real def. on what LOVE means considering each person takes it as a different viewpoint :)

    Some love their SO due to looks alone, while others love their SO due to personality. Or, both!

    What is important is that he loves you AND your child(ren). Not just for the outside but, the inside too.
    CandyHorse

    Answer by CandyHorse at 4:23 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

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