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2 Bumps

Mom told me my Grandma (who raised me) tried to get her to abort me...

when I was 13 during an episode about abortion on Oprah. My mom had me at 16 so she was almost 30 when she told me this. I just confided to my Grandma that my mom told me this when I was 13 (20 years ago) and I think it has deeply affected my grandma that I told her this. What would you think of a mother who tells her child such information? What would you think of your grandma? I think my mom's motivation was to turn me against my grandma because she was jealous of our relationship. Would it have affected your relationship with your grandma? What about your mom? Personally, I think my mom is scum for telling me that at 13. That is the only person I fault in any of this. Opinions?

Answer Question
 
Isaidit

Asked by Isaidit at 9:46 PM on Sep. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 6 (110 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • idk..
    FreeSpriT4eva

    Answer by FreeSpriT4eva at 9:48 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I see nothing to be gained in sharing such awful info. Who knows what's true anyway. If Gram did make the suggestion, it was probably because she knew she'd be rearing another kid because your Mom was too irresponsible. I'd be mad at Mom, moms should protect their kids from this crap. And anyway, Grandma stepped up and raised you after all.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 9:49 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • My grandparents only discovered my mom was pregnant with me after she was 6 months pregnant. So I think they actually went ahead and tried to have it done only to find out that she was too far along. They could have gone to another county to have a later term abortion performed but (obviously) opted not to. She told me all of this. When she intiially told me I think she meant for it to be a real mother/daughter bonding moment. I think she cried and hugged me and told me she just couldn't keep it in anymore...
    Isaidit

    Comment by Isaidit (original poster) at 9:53 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • This is going to sound weird, but, when my mother got pregnant with me, her mother (my grandmother) kicked her out and pretty much forced her in to marriage. She married her boyfriend, who as it turns out was not my father. Back then, that's what they did. I don't see any difference between that and trying to push for abortion. Either way they are not okay with the pregnancy... Either way they think there is something wrong with the mother simply because she had sex... And as it turned out, I would have preferred my mother had chose to abort - I would have understood that choice more, not that I don't want to be here. And there was ALWAYS tension between the three of us because of a lot of this... Either way, it's in the past, so there isn't to much reason to even care what was said or thought...

    At this point, I've let it all go, you should too.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 9:53 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I'm just a little confused about where my relationship with my Grandma stands. I just told her and she was completely shocked. I can't get inside her head so I need more insight to see if she might think of me differently now that I know this. I wish I could put that genie back in the bottle. After my mom told me (20 yrs ago) I never really thought much about it. I honestly think she told me that to affect my relationship with my grandma and it didn't work. I mean, why in the hell else would a child be privy to such information? Can you say IRRESPONSIBLE/reckless at best?!!!
    Isaidit

    Comment by Isaidit (original poster) at 9:59 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • i think your mom was way off too for telling you. but i think your grandma was wrong too, she should have known how precious a life is, given the circumstances she could have just been angry and said whatever cae to mind not really meaning it but under stress, did you ask if she did infact say it. bc had i said something like this about my child/grandchild and they found out and it was said out of frustration not truth i would say right away that i was sorry and that i did not mean it but i was upset in that situation, so i think your grandma should explain if she did infact say this, and your mom should have known better have you told her recently how this is affecting you still maybe shed offer an apology for being immature
    Kre10

    Answer by Kre10 at 10:01 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • My grandma and grandpa did not deny that they wanted or tried to have it done. They just said it was in the past and under the circumstances (my mom was 15) they didn't know what else to do. That was back in the day when a teen pregnancy was a scarlet letter on the family. A time when girls who got pregnant went to live in homes for unwed mothers.
    Isaidit

    Comment by Isaidit (original poster) at 10:05 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • a hard thing to do in life is considering the source when you are processing things like that.
    in an ideal situation, no one would have EVER said anything like that to you.
    On the other hand, many people stop maturing emotionally when something like a teen pregnancy happens...so the remark seems fitting if you think of your mom as a teenager. i know she should grow up, but you may actually experience less pain yourself if you consider your mother's emotional age.
    maybe.
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 10:07 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I understand my Mom told me that my Bio dads mom wanted her to abort me. I would never tell my child something like that if someone said I should abort them. My mom has never said sorry for telling me I was 18 an preggo when she told me . Nice huh. Maybe your Grandmal is in shock that your mom said that an at the young age you where. She may even feel bad for saying it to your mom in the first place.
    davecswife

    Answer by davecswife at 10:07 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • She did say something weird like "I hope you don't think you have this over me" something like that. Like knowing about this gives me some kind of power over her? It was strange and I don't fully understand what she meant. I'm usually pretty good at putting myself in another's shoes and trying to understand what they might be thinking but this situation is really throwing me for a loop.
    Isaidit

    Comment by Isaidit (original poster) at 10:18 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

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