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Adopted children.

I am going to adopt a little boy (he's due in 3 weeks, I couldn't be more excited!!!) and I was wondering what is the correct way to handle him knowing he's adopted. I mean, I really want him to grow up knowing he's adopted. I don't want him to just find out some day when he's a teen.. But how do I raise him letting him know I am his mommy, but he is adopted?? Do I do it like telling him a story or something like that??

Any advice will do. I am really worried I am going to mess this part up..

 
mygirlpaige

Asked by mygirlpaige at 11:12 PM on Sep. 27, 2010 in Adoption

Level 17 (4,664 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Frogdawg-

    Reading books does not prepare you for every situation... yeah, it's great and all and it does help prepare you, but sometimes you just have to live it and do it when it comes to adoption. We researched for several years- about 4 before we brought our daughter home from China, but...I'm still learning things and she's been home for almost 4 years.
    Telling a child they are adopted is not easy for some people..why do you think there are tons of articles and blogs about it? The OP is looking for ideas of how to best present to her son that he is adopted...I can't fathom why you would think she is unprepared due to one query about how to tell a child about their adoption. The OP never said she was unprepared to parent this child, she said she was unsure how to present his adoption to him...especially in a positive light if the first parents are not wishing to be involved.
    OP- start immediately. Don't wait.
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 9:39 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Well just a suggestion, dont start with "your birth parents didnt love you". If they really don't, he will figure things out in that department eventually on his own. And I have to say, feelings can change over time in situations such as this. You dont have to lie but you also dont have to present them in a negative light. That can backfire on you. Its best to just discuss it in a neutral manner when he gets old enough to ask questions. Like "your birth parents didnt think they could take care of you the way a baby should be taken care of so they chose me as your mommy".
    lisa89j

    Answer by lisa89j at 11:13 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Letting him know your his mommy is easy; just be his mommy he'll catch on.


    Someone mentioned Marlou Russell. Here's a link to her webpage. Scroll down to "Talking with your Child about Adoption and Foster Care Issues" http://marlourussellphd.com/Articles.aspx 


    Also here is a link to an Adult Adoptee Support site called " Chosen Babies". They have a list of recommendations for Adoptive Parents.


    http://www.chosen-babies.com/recommendAP.htm 

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:00 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • My son's parents told him his birth story from the day they brought him home from the hospital and told it over and over again. He's always known he was adopted and I think its a benefit to a child to know early rather than have it sprung on them later, possibly having them think their entire life was a lie.
    I'm sorry to hear the birth parents aren't interested and don't even care about this child. However I also recommend not talking about them in a negative light or telling your child they don't love him. I think being mommy is going to be an easy concept for your new baby. I like the scrap book idea, and I would keep an open mind that maybe things could change for the birth parents down the road, there is no way to know but it could happen.
    You have lots of great resources provided, I'd definitely look into those as well.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:40 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • heres an answer from a child who is adopted... my parents told me when they thought i was old enough to handle it... i was about 5... i started asking questions about my coming from mommys tummy and my mom and dad explained to me that i didnt come from my mommys tummy but from someone elses tummy. but that didnt meant they loved me ne less it actually meant they loved me more b/c they chose to take care of me when someone else wasnt able to... i dont think the child should be made aware that he is not naturally from ur body when hes really young... to be honest he will already know hes different than ne other children u may already have if ne... i did... however i didnt understand y i felt that way or y i had that feeling until my parents explained the adoption to me. and unless its an open adoption and im assuming its not unless he wants to pursue the discovery of his parents dont bother with it... that needs to be his decis
    kanesmomma2007

    Answer by kanesmomma2007 at 2:45 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • You could alwasy make a scrapbook with pics of he biological mother and family and pics of his adopted family and write some stuff in it and make it a routine to read it at bedtime.
    AWebber212

    Answer by AWebber212 at 11:15 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Go to Marlou Russell's site and get her book. Read all you can. Ask adoptees how their parents handled it.

    When you see a pregnant woman, it can spark the conversation about adoption. Plus, there are a few good books for children about adoption.

    Won't he have contact with his birth family? That would help him to understand adoption.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 11:34 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • No contact with his birth family at all. They are not even going to give me their addresses or anything and they want to have nothing to do with the baby. It's a very complicated situation with them and I think it's better for the child this way. They don't love him anyway.
    mygirlpaige

    Comment by mygirlpaige (original poster) at 11:37 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Just curious, did they actually say they don't love him?
    lisa89j

    Answer by lisa89j at 12:18 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Yes, they actually did. Both the mother and father. They never ever wanted kids and they don't want even want to know what I am going to name him. They made it clear, it's like they're just giving me something and that's it.
    mygirlpaige

    Comment by mygirlpaige (original poster) at 12:20 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

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