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Keep parent home or put in a Nursing Home?

If your parent is unable to care for herself; like too many falls or leaving the stove on when nothings cooking, do I bring her home to live with us or put her in a Nursing Home where she can interact with others her own age?

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Asked by Prayerpartner at 4:39 AM on Sep. 28, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 20 (10,072 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • No matter what, I would find a way to take care of them myself. From my experience, a nursing home is a death sentence. Everyone I've talked to, every grandparent that had been put into a home, had horrible stories. And its not just one nursing home in particular. One in Idaho, several in Oregon. Everyone died within a year of being sent to live there. Some died all of a sudden- when there were no present illness and no apparent reason to die.. IMO I would keep the person with me.

    Answer by stenhouse_baby at 4:49 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Bring them home to live with you. Many nursing homes have day care programs where they can go socialize for a few hours a day and then go home in the afternoon.

    Answer by SarahLeeMorgan at 5:10 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • When the time comes, I'll keep my parents home with me... My uncle was sent to a nursing home (he was 46) and within two weeks he died. And they knew he was dying. In the records they wrote that his skin was green and he had been sick with his stomach and other things...

    Answer by Gremlyn1980 at 5:32 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Seeing that I am a nurse at a nursing home, I would be without a job if everyone thought like you. Not a nursing home are bad and most the staff thinks of the res as family. You got to understand that there are times that I see them more than I see my own family. We try are hardest to keep everyone happy.

    Answer by logansmom6106 at 6:05 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • What makes a nursing home a 'death sentence' is when the family doesn't visit and the resident feels unwanted, unloved and forgotten. Then they don't care and give up on life.
    I know people that have gone with either route. Both have their pros and cons.

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:49 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • I would likely put her in an assisted living facility. I know too many people that have tried to have their parent live with them - between the constant care and the stress it really hurt their relationship and wasn't good for anyone involved. I would much rather my mother remain independent, with quick access to qualified health care if she needed it.

    Answer by Scuba at 6:53 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Medicare typically won't pay for nh unless she is sick enough to meet inpatient care in a hospital w/in the last 30 days. As far as interaction with ppl her own age, she can go to the senior center. Nursing hm patients often have dimentia. She won't get a lot of interaction. Assisted living facilities are better. They are expensive tho. I would ask mom if she wants a sitter in her home (usually 15 dollars an hour), wants assisted living (more expensive than a sitter, but the other ppl living there are mentally intact), go to a NH (expensive and often demoralizing), or come hm with you. GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:21 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • If at all possible, bring her home with you. But be honest with yourself. Will you be able to handle taking care of her, and your children? What if she starts wandering in the night? It's not easy to have a parent living with you so you can take care of them, but it can be done. If you find the need to place her in a nursing home, find one that you are comfortable with and get to know the staff. Show up at different times on different days if you can, to ensure she is being properly cared for.

    Answer by duckigrrl at 8:51 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • i have to say i have already had this discussion with my siblings and we have all agreed that when its time my mother is going to a nursing home.....she with have better acuse to health care there and we will have the stress freeness of nowing that people are looking after her 24/7.....the only thing i do agree with is that people need to visit there parents in these place and keep constant contact with the staff.....

    Answer by cara124 at 8:59 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • There are other alternatives if you can afford it. There are assisted living places that allow the person to still have an active life but have daily supervision.

    If personalities matched well I would consider having a parent live with us. It is a huge adjustment for everyone involved though. A nursing home would be a last resort for me.

    Answer by elizabr at 9:08 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

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