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my thirteen year old daughter wants to leave home and live with her dad what do we do?

she wants to live with her dad whom has had very little to do with her until now we are scared of losing her he has no place to live he lives with his dad


 
brittsmom

Asked by brittsmom at 9:11 AM on Oct. 22, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

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This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Greetings from Missouri. First what is the root of the problem? Why does she want to move there? Is there conflict at home? What does the dad say? If the dad has just started being a part of her life he probably is being her friend not a "dad". She probably likes the attention. I would talk to the dad and hope he will be the bad guy and tell her no for now there is no space without crushing her. If you fight it she may try and run away. My daughter is now 22 and I went through a similar situation. This is a tough age, be gentle. She is finding herself, getting interested in boys, you don't want to be too hard on her. She will need you. Don't put the dad down she will be forced to defend him. Remember she is your baby and the law is on your side. You might remind her how you have always been there, want what's best for her, and how much you love her and would miss her.

    bundun

    Answer by bundun at 9:40 AM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • well let her go and try it . if u try to stop her u will make thangs worse i know it sounds bad but we only lurn by the mistakes we make that is the lifes lesson and she will come home when she find out what he is realy like
    vnessa65

    Answer by vnessa65 at 9:16 AM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • I did that with my at the time 16 year old,,,She wanted to live with her grandpa,,I regret it every day,,She is now 30 and wont talk to me...Talk to a lawyer and find out..If you have legal rights in your state to keep her at your house,,,I think at a certain age they(the child0 can live with who ever they want..Does your EX want her there for 5 years   Good luck

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:25 AM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • with kids that age the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Have you talked to her father? How does he feel about it? Do you trust him to take good care of her? Does he live close by so she can stay in the same school and so you can check in on her? Has she spent the night at his house? Maybe try letting her spend a weekend or week over Christmas break and see how it goes. If he is a decent guy, maybe it could be a good thing. You just have to trust your gut.
    amydh

    Answer by amydh at 9:28 AM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • Also, I have to add, I move to another state to live with my mother when I was 15. It was the biggest mistake of my life! She let me drop out of high school at 16! Needless to say I never went to college and My life has been alot harder because of it. Also it was very hard on my relationship with my other siblings who stayed with my Dad and Step-Mother. They are all very successful now. I am the only one who is still struggling to get by on a daily basis.
    amydh

    Answer by amydh at 9:34 AM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • wow I just can't imagine having to let my child go live with someone I couldn't live with. It seems to me that if she is wanting to do that then sit down with her and see what she is expecting. Where does she plan to go to school. How will she get there. What is she expecting him to provide for and what does she expect you to provide for. I think if you rant and rave and make this difficult she will go anyway and you are left with a damaged relationship with her. I think that if it isn't working out for her or she hates it she will be more determined to stick it out rather than come home just to prove you wrong.Is she wanting you to provide all of what she needs and dad to provide what she wants. That I think will drive you nuts. Also maybe set out in advance when she will come to visit etc. Is she wanting to go because of trouble at home, or just to be with Dad? I think this must be incredibly difficult,
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:49 AM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • My daughter was considering moving to her father's, who rarely contacted her. She thought it would make their relationship stronger. I explained to her, that it meant living with a man who would not always be home to take care of her. Since she's older than her half siblings, it meant he might ask her to babysit. While she loves kids and her siblings, I asked if she was prepared to be responsible for them? Also, take into consideration it means a change in: climate, environment, friends, not having grandparents and uncles and cousins around; not having mom around; adjusting to a different household's way of life (you can't expect all of them to change just for her!). After careful consideration, SHE came to realize the benefits of just staying where she already knows she's loved and taken well care of.
    ChefMom94

    Answer by ChefMom94 at 2:09 PM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • let her go, she'll be back
    tntornado45

    Answer by tntornado45 at 5:40 PM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • let her go im sorry to say but the age of 13 gives her the right to legally have the choice of which parent to live with just let her try it im sure she will be back i went to my dad and i went back to my mom after a school year so did my younger sister
    iloveyall2008

    Answer by iloveyall2008 at 8:45 PM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • Let her go and let her know she can come HOME anytime....my adopted dd went to live with her bm at 12 and it lasted only 5 months....the grass looked greener but she found out but it was sour grass.... you have to be supportive (while your heart is breaking) and let her know that you don't think it is a great idea, but that you are there for her..... a Previous Poster suggested the pros and cons approach and I suggest that you even write down all the pros and cons of going to dad and staying with mom...if there are ? that you can't answer call dad and ask him.... so the list can be complete...Good Luck this is one of the hardest things to do....
    malam

    Answer by malam at 5:14 AM on Oct. 23, 2008