Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

what would u do?

If u had a child from a previous relationship but are now married and your husband is the only man that your child knows and the biological father isn't in the picture would you raise that child to believe that your husband is her biological father or tell them the truth when their old enough?

 
newmommyjazz

Asked by newmommyjazz at 9:38 AM on Sep. 28, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 14 (1,750 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • There is no need to make the child feel bad about what a bum her bio was and is. He was just a sperm donor. I would definitely let her believe the other guy is her father. Besides a father is someone who loves u and takes care of u even if u r sick and is always there to support u emotionally and financially. A father is someone to tuck u in at night and wipe ur tears when u r scared. A father is always there for the kids in every way!! So yes let him be the real dad the only dad! The other guy was just a sperm donor. No need to hurt the child by telling her what a loser the sperm donor was!!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 9:44 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • im really glad you asked this because i'd like to hear what others think. im in the exact same position! my husband has been in my oldest daughter's live since she was 6 months, and the bio dad stopped coming around when she was 1 year old so she obviously doesn't remember. my husband and i got married when she was 2 and she called him daddy by HER CHOICE ever since. she's about to turn four next month and her bio dad decided to be a dad again, so he came back and broke the truth to her. that was a month ago, and he hasn't called or asked to see her since. if i could've known he'd disappear again after telling her the truth, i wouldn't have let him. she's too young for that, so i would definitely have waited until she was older and could fully understand.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 9:40 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • I would let them think he was there biological father now and tell them when they are older and can Understand.
    Tab2

    Answer by Tab2 at 9:41 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • truth when old enough
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:41 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • The truth is the best because I grew up in a similar situation but I knew he was my stepfather, but I consider him my dad because he's the one that's there for me. The child might feel you've lied to him/her if you don't tell him/her the truth.
    iluvmm09

    Answer by iluvmm09 at 9:41 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • yea....
    HuntersMom25

    Answer by HuntersMom25 at 9:40 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • I would tell them the truth from the start.... never keep it a secret. Someone, some day will tell your child the truth and if you haven't told your child before that your child will feel that you lied. One of my DH cousins omitted the fact that the hubby wasn't the bio dad it was like WW3 and not a good thing AT ALL!
    Mommy2Gabrielle

    Answer by Mommy2Gabrielle at 9:40 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • I think that I would tell them the truth when they are old enough. Funny thing about the truth, it always has a way of getting out somehow. You do not want your child to resent you later for not sharing this fact.
    chefronswife

    Answer by chefronswife at 9:41 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • When they are old enough tell him the truth, it is not nice to lie.

    Remember a father is someone who is there for the child, raises the child and makes sure he is safe.

    So the bio is a donor, keep that in mine. It takes a real man to raise a child, anyone can make one.

    That makes him his father!!!! Good luck!!!! My kids know they have a bio out there, but they consider there step dad as their dad!!! They are 11 and 14 now.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 9:43 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • i told my son that he had 2 dads. i told him this at age 3 because he still had some memories of his bio dad from when he was very small. I told him that brett (his bio dad) didnt want to be a dad anymore and that matt is his new dad. he was fine with it. he has forgotten about brett and i never mention him. If he ever asks about him though..sure i will remind him
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:48 AM on Sep. 28, 2010