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2 Bumps

my big sister

I naturally conceived triplets. My husband and I are over the moon. We both want a big family, when these babies are born, we will have six kids. My husbands parents are pretty happy, worried about me and the babies, but happy. My parents are thrilled. My sister is furious. She has only one child, and can't get pregnant again. She asked me to be a surrogate, but my husband and I agreed that I wouldn't, for multiple, personal reasons. My sister thinks I should give one of my babies to her. She also won't believe that we conceived them naturally. If I were a surrogate, we would have used IVF, and we don't agree with that. My sister is angry, hurt, and hateful towards me. I can understand her reasons, but I am not my sisters incubator. There are other ways to have children. How do I deal with this?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:26 PM on Sep. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Ignore her, she's being rude and selfish and crazy. Give one of your babies to her? She she nuts If she wants another baby tell her to adopt or find another surrogate mother out there. There are plenty of women out there that can and are willing to do it. Congrats on the triplets! It's rare for it to happen naturally but it can still happen!
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:28 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • BUMP! I can understand that she is hurt and jealous but I don't think she should take it out on you. Maybe she could find someone else to carry her babies for her?
    josiesmommy00

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 4:29 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • That's really tough.

    I'd write her a letter, and tell her everything you want to say, then read her the letter and ask her to wait to respond until you've finished.
    UpSheRises

    Answer by UpSheRises at 4:29 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Distance yourself from her until she can approach you in a less hostile way. Let her know that you are very sorry she is having a difficult time and you know your joy is causing her pain. Tell her you'll be there if she needs to talk, and then leave it up to her.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 4:32 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • You need to tell her how you feel and let her know you will not tolerate the way she is treating you. I think she needs some counseling fto help her handle all the emotions she is obviously not dealing with in a good way.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 4:35 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Is this pregnancy news very recent? I am sure it was a shock and surprise to her, and your joy may have caused her pain. Of course this is not your fault, and she should be happy for you. She might realize this if you give her some time to get over the initial surprise. You can let her know that you are sorry for her pain, but that doesn't mean you have to be sorry for your joy. You can't be responsible for her happiness, or for the carrying of her children for that matter. Just try to be sensitive to her situation and hope she comes around.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:51 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • She is jealous, and it is causing her to act like a b*tch. It isn't fair for her to ask you for one of YOUR babies, that is completely nuts. She is blaming you for her problem, and making you feel responsible. Ignore her and be happy. Help her find another baby to adopt or something if she will let you...
    momof3josephs

    Answer by momof3josephs at 4:51 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • She's going through something you don't understand. While her actions aren't right, its more than likely more her being sad and upset with herself that being upset with you.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 4:52 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • I know that people ask sisters to be surrogates, but that doesn't mean they have to!
    this woman actually expects you to just give her one of your triplets?
    it's not like you have a extra pair of socks that you don't need................
    now I've heard it all!
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 5:19 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Sounds like there's some jealousy there.Go on with your life and you just might have to set some boundaries with her.Maybe not talking with her until after the babies are born.Then see where she is at.You might have to distance yourself from her until she can move on.Good luck mama!!! I'm happy for you! : )
    bvannkissy

    Answer by bvannkissy at 7:08 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

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