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2 Bumps

Does this make sense to you?

My boyfriend says he loves me and wants to marry me, but when it comes to the idea of living together, he seems disinterested. We did date one time before, and had a son, lived together for a month, but because we rushed, we broke up and I moved in with my parents. He seems to want to go forward in every other aspect at some point, so how does that make sense? You can't have a relationship like that while living in two different houses...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:29 PM on Sep. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • You're right...thats weird.
    UpSheRises

    Answer by UpSheRises at 4:30 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Sounds like he's not ready for a very committed relationship and just saying he'll marry you to keep you happy. I have never met a married couple that lived separately that were still together and in love. There is no point in getting married if he wants to live separately.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:31 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Many people do just that. Living together prior to marriage is a relatively new thing. And looking at the divorce statistics it does not seem to mean that a marriage has a better opportunity of succeeding.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 4:32 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • I am reading your question that he does not want to live together until you are married. Not that he wants to live seperate after mariage.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 4:33 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Well, I mean it in the sense that, whenever I bring up the idea of living together again, he seems to not want to.
    countrygirl1987

    Answer by countrygirl1987 at 4:34 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • My DH's Aunt has been with her husband for 35 years, and they never lived together. It may seem weird but it does work for some people. They see each other a few times throughout the week, and then spend the weekend together. I thought it was kind of weird as well, but theyre happily married still, after all that time. But, it seems like you dont want that, and if he doesnt want to live with you, when you want to live with him, then it obviously isnt going to work. You need to have a serious talk to him about what you want out of life and make sure hes on the same page. GL to you!
    xxMasonsMommaxx

    Answer by xxMasonsMommaxx at 4:40 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Well, if you lived together in the past and it spelled the end of your relationship then I can understand why he is hesitant. When do you plan on getting married? Are you engaged at this point? I think the two of you need to have a timeline. Or maybe he isn't ready to say he can commit for sure, in which case it isn't time to move in together yet. Wanting to marry you someday and wanting to marry you in the near future are two different things. I think the most important thing is that both people are committed to a lasting relationship well before moving in together, especially if there are children involved. If he isn't able to give you a committment then you might need to rethink what you are willing to accept. If you plan to marry in a year and not live together before then that is one thing. Try to find some sort of compromise that makes you both happy. GL!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:45 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • I thnk this is a case of actions speaking louder than words...
    momof3josephs

    Answer by momof3josephs at 4:47 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Why do you HAVE to live together before you get married? Its not a new concept to live separately until you are married and many couples still do it. It is very possible to have a loving committed relationship w/o living together before marriage. Maybe he's just old fashioned.

    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 4:50 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • If he wants to wait to live together AFTER getting married. That makes sense to me.
    I lived with a BF and it didn't work out. It was heart breaking and hard to separate all we had combined. After that experience, I did not want to live with anyone again unless we were married.

    If he doesn't want to live together after getting married... then he needs more time. You should discuss what happened before and why you think it would be different this time. I would recommend pre-marital councilling.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 4:51 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

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