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2 Bumps

How to deal with a controlling husband???

We have been married for 5 yrs now and have a 3 yr old.I work 3 nites a week graveyard shift because its good pay, I stayed home after our dd was born. So I stay at home other than 3 times a week, we do okay on just his salary, but for extras for us i work, clean, cook and care for our dd.he stays on me to budget my check and tells me exactly how to spend what check I get and how much he wants me to put back a week.Also ask why does he always have to pay the bills and not me.I do try to be a good wife,Mom and work part time for us too.Left up to him all he would have to do is go to work 8-5 desk job and come home and sit, hes done but wants dinner done, use my money for his bills take care of everything.Calls me from work to make sure im cleaning something.I was young and naive when we first married but now growin up..what should a wife do with a man like this? Wants control over everything.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:45 PM on Sep. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Is he from the South? He wont change so I would suggest that you either see the good in him or consider going to school so that you can get a good enough job to be able to support yourself and your children when you cant take anymore.
    PS Did I mention my husband is exactly the same and our oldest is now 17!
    lovebdus

    Answer by lovebdus at 5:48 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • If you are not afraid of him abusing you physically, then stop cooking & cleaning. care only for the children & there things... He needs to learn to be great full for the things you do.. & He wont learn how to be until you stop.

    As for him calling to see if you're cleaning. I would ask him the next time, what am I a maid?


    Im sorry mommy that you are going through this. Hopefully you can figure out away to make things right.




    & if he doesn't change you can always leave. You should be treated as a woman, a spouse, as a PERSON not some maid or cleaning robot.
    lilmoosesmom

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 5:49 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Love- what does being from the south have to do anything? My hubby is southern BORN & RAISED & DOES NOT TREAT ME LIKE THIS!!!!
    lilmoosesmom

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 5:50 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • do you need to work? if its just for 'extras' and not for debt or bills, i'd suggest you quit work, stay home and keep the house. let him work his butt off, come home pay the bills (actually sit down and make sure they are sent out himself)..let him be the one to do it. see how long he likes being in complete control of the money. i bet he won't like it very long. he relies on you too much, and is probably just too pigheaded to admit it.
    ok, i'm not seriously telling you to let him control you. but you could ask him if that's what he'd like to do..just make sure he knows that if he wants ALL the responsibility, then he will have it. you already know you can work and take care of the house..what you need to realize is you can probably do it without him, too.
    never never never let a man think you NEED him, especially if he has these controlling tendencies. a marriage is a joint-effort..both of you work together, (cont)
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 5:54 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • ..to make sure the family/household is always in good condition. sometimes there is some give&take..but its a healthy give&take..not a controlling one. you need to find your voice and tell him you won't be commandeered like that. call his bluff.


    jmho

    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 5:55 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • My hubby is southern BORN & RAISED & DOES NOT TREAT ME LIKE THIS!!!! We have 23 years and if he even tried to do this i would divorce him ...
    MTM

    Answer by MTM at 5:59 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • First, If he is not abusive physicly. Tell him I will do what I want with my money. Be reasonable of course. Save some and pay a bill. But the rest spend the way you want. Cooking and house cleaning. Start doing it when you want. If he starts, why isn't my dinner ready or this is not done. Tell him I will do it when I want to.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:59 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • This is what I would do... I would pay 1 bill anything extra he wants to do or you want to do as a family I would tell him his 1/2 to pay. I would also tell him when his supper would be ready and that this is what I am charging per hour to keep the house clean, cook and take care of his child and bill him
    I would also be finding a different job that I could support my self and my child(ren) for when I couldn't take his controlling sorry ass anymore
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 6:10 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Have you talked about going nto see a therapist?And if he won't go,then you go.My SO is controlling but hehas worked very hard at working on his controlling issues.Does he feel that he is controlling and want to do something about it?Or is he totally in denial about it?Don't give up just yet.There is a saying that goes...." Don't give up before the miracle happens". Good luck mama.You can do this!
    bvannkissy

    Answer by bvannkissy at 6:17 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • I've been in several controlling relationships, and I know it's no picnic. What you need to do is take control of yourself. Tell your husband that you're not a child and can make decisions all on your own. If he doesn't respect that and let you be an adult then he's not worth staying with. Men who want all the control are insecure, and therefore control their women to make themselves feel more important. I'm sure you love him, but he needs to stop telling you what to do. You're his wife, not his child. Maybe some marriage councelling would be a good idea.

    GenieBean

    Answer by GenieBean at 6:19 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

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