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I have a blended family where my husband has his children 50% of the time and I have mine about 90% of the time....my husband now wants me to give up time becuase he feels like he's cheating on his kids when he is with mine and his aren't there.....what do I do....I want my marriage to work.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:43 PM on Jul. 2, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • I would tell him to get MORE time if possible, you can't give up time with your kids because of some guy. Coming from a mothers point of view my kid comes first, from a kids point of view if my mom gave up time with me for her husband I would hate her. So your kinda in a pickle....good luck
    JonahsMom1107

    Answer by JonahsMom1107 at 12:47 PM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • I really don't think it is a good idea to give up time with your children. It is not their fault he has the arrangement he has with his kids. This is not the answer. He has to find a way to get more time with his kids. You and your children should not have to pay the price for him and his ex's decisions/arrangement. Also, if you go through with this there is a very good chance you build a resentment towards him which would be a worse situation.
    Tawanda74

    Answer by Tawanda74 at 12:56 PM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • You don t want to ask me!! His kids gave me trouble and I put my foot down and had them less and less
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • Your spouse should add to the relationship with your children, not diminish it. Maybe you should have talked about this before you got married.
    supershlea

    Answer by supershlea at 1:02 PM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • this should have been discussed long before you said I do. You give up time with your kids and they will resent you for the rest of their lives. It will have to be you that gives if anyone does. You can bet his ex wont give a minute more than she has to. I dont my ex asks for an extra day and I tell him the judge ordered what she ordered and thats all he gets. my new hub only gets his once a month and his ex would die before letting him see them more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:19 PM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • I would be pissed just for him asking me this.
    TheEyesDesire

    Answer by TheEyesDesire at 1:20 PM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • He is the one hurting your marriage by asking you to sacrafice your relationship with your kids.
    haberdasher

    Answer by haberdasher at 1:30 PM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • Sit down with him and have a heart to heart about this.Give him credit for bringing it to your attention and tell him that you want to find a solution that works for the both of you.Maybe the extra time you have your kids around can be just you and them. I'm sure they'd appreciate the extra mom time.Money can be an issue if it's a frequent thing so don't make it a big event- maybe just a park or if you can't leave the house make dinner together.In the moments his kids can't be there he can call them when he gets the feeling that he's cheating.Tell him that he, as a stepdad, is an important part of your children's life.Instead of trying to guilt him and start a fight,focus on ways to help him improve his relationship with his kids. I'm betting that asking you to spend less time with your kids is his way of expressing his fear about not being as good of a parent as your are.
    Jess6700

    Answer by Jess6700 at 2:18 PM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • We have a similar arrangement. I can understand your husband being jealous that you have your kids so much more than he does, but how is it fair to anyone for them to have less time with you because his child doesn't get to? Maybe you could get more time with your stepchild instead. I agree with a previous mom who said it was wrong of him even to ask this of you.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 2:26 PM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • your kids come first...period. If he can't deal with that...that's his problem.
    michalrice

    Answer by michalrice at 2:46 PM on Jul. 2, 2008

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