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Having trouble with an 18 yr old that is my fiances son. Please help!

My fiance & I argue all the time over his son & I'm lost! I need advice on how 2 handle his son. He's 18, lives w/ us, in 12th grade, has a 4.5 GPA, no job & doesn't do a thing around the house. His father does everything for him right down to putting away his clothers while his son sits & watches, he doesn't ask things he says "you should" do this or that & he's hard to get along w/. I can't ask him to do a thing, he smarts off to all, is very rude & his father thinks he's fine & a good kid. What can I do?

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needadvise1816

Asked by needadvise1816 at 11:01 PM on Sep. 28, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 5 (73 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • If his father isn't willing to make him mind, then refuse to do all those things that dad will do for him. If dad will pick up after him, let him. Dont' go out of your way to do it. You are not his maid but if dad wants too, let him. You really can't change the way dad is...you will have to accept that he will let his son walk all over you 2 or make a decision to move on.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:05 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Thank you for your answer & I have decided that I'm not doing anything else for him if he can't do it himself. I was not raised this way & will not condone it by doing what everyone else does! so again thank you for supporting my thoughts!
    needadvise1816

    Comment by needadvise1816 (original poster) at 11:15 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Welcome!
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:21 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • You really can't do much since he's already 18. I agree let Dad do it if he's willing to. I don't know how long you two have been together, but he may have some resentment, the other thing is, I've got three great boys, ages 18, 21 & 28, but I've noticed that somewhere between 18 & 20 they seem more combative and aggressive. I don't know if it's biological/hormonal, or just an attitude issue, but I've found that I'm not alone in this, and most boys seem to go through this.

    At least he's getting great grades, maybe he'll get some scholarships and be off to a college dorm room next year!!!!

    Good Luck!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:28 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • We have been together for almost 5 yrs now. In the beginning up until about a yr & a halg ago his son & I had what I would of called a great relationship, but then he lost over 100 lbs & now he is a totally mean person. His father & his grandmother are the only 2 who don't think he has changed, but his mother (who I am great friends with) & his sister have made comments to me, his father & to him about his attitude! He's been accepted to a college but it's in our state & intends on living @ home while going
    needadvise1816

    Comment by needadvise1816 (original poster) at 11:39 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • Thank you for your answer too! Sorry I'm on my cell phone so I can write very much before it cuts me off! :o)
    needadvise1816

    Comment by needadvise1816 (original poster) at 11:40 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • I hate to say it, but it's his son, and thus his problem to raise. I would just distance myself from anything relating to his "chores", and when he mouths off, tell him to leave the room until he can talk to you respectfully.
    Otherwise, there isn't much else you can do.

    If you are friends with the bio mom, you can ask if she can approach the father about this, but at 18 more kids are set in their ways until they have the trial and error of real life.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:17 AM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • Thank you so much for answering my question! And to let you know I can't distance myself from his chores, he has NO chores - he does absolutely nothing around this house! He's not asked to & not told to! His grandma lives w/ us & will get out of bed just to put a meal in the microwave for him so he doesn't have to. So even though he does nothing he still has the nerve to TELL people what to do! It's his mouth & attitude I can't handle! & the boys mom's no help in any way! I love his dad dearly but I'm lost!
    needadvise1816

    Comment by needadvise1816 (original poster) at 12:36 AM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • His father should tell him as long as he lives with you that he should give you and your husband the respect you truly deserve. I also think that dad should tell him that he needs to take on a few chores around the house. All of you should sit down and discuss this and decide what chores he should do. I hope things work out for you.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:53 AM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • Thank you very much & I think I will suggest the sit down! I truly don't believe that he'll ever be given any chores but I totally agree w/ you! I wasn't raised the way this boy is & I know that's the hardest part for me, but I believe more than anything that kids of any age need some kind of responsibility @ home (age appropriate of course) so that they learn how to do things for themselves! And I just wish he would learn some before he goes to college next yr, but I have no control & am losing interest!
    needadvise1816

    Comment by needadvise1816 (original poster) at 1:14 AM on Sep. 29, 2010

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