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Are celebrating the holidays complicated for you.....?? Big family/make everyone else happy, or stay home and soak it up with your children?

I come from a disfunctional divorced family. I always remember as a child, being pulled here and there, to make sure "everyone" got to see me, and that everyone else was happy. In one day going to see four different sides of families... I don't remember the happy part of christmas, I remember a lot of car rides. I just had a baby. He will be 8 monhts at christmas time. I want to see family "other" days... On christmas I want to stay home with my "new framily" and enjoy the moments, and relaxand let the kids enojuy thier gifts etc. not run around trying to make everyone else happy. We "always" see family, our family is huge, and we are constantly making the rounds. Am I selfish to want to stay home on chirstmas? How can i get my DH to see my view?? He doesn't mind running around, and I think he feels obligated to do so. He doesn't understand me, but I feel strong about it. I'm not divorced so why travel around like I am?

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Asked by Tiffany8168 at 10:12 AM on Sep. 29, 2010 in Holidays

Level 11 (536 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • you must have a compromise with your dh about this. how many places does he want to visit during the holidays?? tell him to pick one, maybe two if they are close, and make it either before xmas or after. tell him its time you and he and your child begin your own holiday tradition of being home xmas morning/day to enjoy it as a family..just yourselves!
    everyone else will understand or get over it. we put our foot down about it, and the first year was a little awkward, but after that, everyone knows that if they want to see us at the holidays, it will be a short/quick visit, and NOT on xmas day. that's our time!

    Answer by dullscissors at 10:15 AM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • and also, that the road goes two ways....if you choose to visit during the holidays, trade-off..let others come to you, rather than you always be the ones to travel.

    Answer by dullscissors at 10:17 AM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • usually it is...last year my mom planned dinner at mother in laws was at 2.. this year i've told everyone that they can have their dinners whenever they want but not to plan around us or to even expect us at any given time that we will be there when we get there...we arent rushing this year

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:19 AM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • small family, spread out all over country, so no real problem here.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 10:27 AM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • My family is also huge, & when the boys were little, I finally got tired of all the arguing over where we would mom was the worst, always insisting we spend the night on Christmas Eve at her house so that she could see the boys faces on Christmas morning! (we have the only grandchildren on both sides) Anyway, I finally said " We'll be home, anyone who wants to come by is welcome." It worked out really well. The kids get special jammies every year (now 18, 21, & 28 & still expect the pj's) & they stayed home in their new pj's all day playing with their toys, watching Christmas movies, eating special Christmas food. It was heavenly....& hardly anyone came by..imagine that!

    As they got older I felt like maybe they were missing out on the family thing & we started taking them again & you know what they said-mom, we like our peaceful family celebration. We still do this, but I wonder what will happen when they have kids

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:29 AM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • This is a really tough one. Last year at Thanskgiving my baby was 6 months old and I flatly refused to load the family on a plane and fly across country to California (we live in Georgia). My DH's Mom was planning a big Thanskgiving celebration with all of the kids who all live in different places. We did not go. His mom died this July - I still feel guilty about not going to Cali last year because his mom never got to see our baby except once right after she was born.
    I haven't even told my DH this. :(
    So my answer is, if you see your family all of the time make Christmas your special family day and see family Christmas eve, day after whatever. Or perhaps maybe your family could come to see you later on Christmas day, that would save you from running around. GL!

    Answer by chefronswife at 10:32 AM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • chefronswife. I'm so sorry that this happened. I'm sure that your mother in law wouldn't want you to feel guilty about this. As I'm said I'm 49, my boys aren't married yet, but have some lovely girlfriends, and I would never want something like that on their heart if something happened to me. We can't anticipate what will happen in our lives, all we can do is make the best choices that we can. I agree that family is important, but part of being family, is allowing each other to make the best choice for their family. Take care of yourself, and enjoy the holidays. Maybe do something special to commemorate your mother in law this year.


    Answer by ohwrite at 10:39 AM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • Even tho our families are small, I live over an hr away (one way) from them and am tired of packing up my now 9 yr old
    and traveling while no one else has children outside my oldest dd who only lives 2 blocks away now...
    We have been doing all the driving and making everyone else happy and our Christmas is short lived by the time we
    get home at 10 PM....
    So for the past several yrs I have been doing Christmas dinner... wither it's on Christmas or not .... this way Christmas Day
    we spend it at home and don't have to worry about rushing around....
    I don't see it as selfish at all... explain that to your DH... maybe go to a family members home the night before, or several days
    before .... You might want to pick and choose different families to visit this yr and visit next... ex if your families are large..
    Or have it at your house...
    I hope you find a good medium and have a good Holiday Season

    Answer by gmasboy at 10:54 AM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • I am now at the stage where we stay at home and let ourselves enjoy the holiday and let our son enjoy the gifts he has gotten without telling him ``go put it away now so we can go.`` Those days are over and I love being home with my family.

    Answer by gardenrosalie at 8:45 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

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