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my husband is gonna work out of state how do i handle it

i have 3 girls 8 -7- 3 and mu husband is gonna work out of state i dont know how to approach this with my daughters when i am not happy myself

 
vira78

Asked by vira78 at 12:23 PM on Sep. 29, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (9)
  • The same way I did. You have to suck it up. Lay out the facts, Daddy is going to work somewhere new for a while. We're going to stay here, because we can't go with him yet. He's going to call us every ____(day, other day) and we will miss each other. Its going to be hard. And we are going to be sad sometimes, and that is okay. We can draw him pictures and write to him when we miss him and we can send them to him. Daddy loves us so very much that he has to go away to work for a while. Sometimes grown ups have to do things they don't want to do, this is one of them.
    dragonlady320

    Answer by dragonlady320 at 12:25 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • Just be honest with them, and tell them you aren't thrilled with it and it's just what you need to do right now. The majority of my relationship with my husband was out of state. It wasn't always easy, and he could very well leave again even though he's been home for two years. I was pregnant and taking care of small children and working at theh same time. You do get used to it. And I can't complain about the $$ he was bringing in! We have to do what we have to do.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:26 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • You just have to suck it up and do it. It's not easy, but you can either choose to make it as easy as possible or hard. Tell your daughter that they don't have to like it, you don't. But it is what it is and it needs to be done to better the family and you all have to work together to get there
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 12:27 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • Been there done that.  My husband lived in another state for 3 months (from April-July) this year.  I had 4 kids (10, 8 1/2, 7 1/2 and 4) and was pregnant (in my 3rd trimester--baby was born in July).  I also didn't have a car so everywhere we went we walked or took the bus.  It was crazy and I was constantly exhausted and stressed out.


    The kids understood why Daddy wasn't there.  He was working and were all going to move after the baby came.  They were more upset about them moving away from their friends than because Daddy was gone.  He worked so much anyway that they barely saw him.

    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 12:29 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • Just be honest with them. Let them know what is going on. My husband worked in the same state, but 5 hours away, for 18 months. Video chat on the computer is great! Our daughter loved being able to see him while she was talking to him every night.
    andrea96

    Answer by andrea96 at 12:31 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • You count your blessings and be thankful that he's still here and working to provide for his loved ones. Sure, he'll be gone a lot more and you'll miss him. But this is real life and, like the first poster stated, you just suck it up and deal. And you approach this positively with your daughters - Daddy loves them enough to take care of them and they're lucky to have a Daddy. If you make this harder than it is, it will be. It's that simple. Is it an adjustment? Sure. But it's not the end of the world.
    I have 4, my husband died in April, and my kids would love to have Daddy simply working out of state to care for his family. So would I. And I'm sure that many widowed mothers, many single mothers, and many families dealing with unemployment would welcome this issue into their lives.
    Gaccck

    Answer by Gaccck at 12:33 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • have a girls night out ;)
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 12:39 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • The kids adapt. My husband works out of state more often than not. Right now he's somewhere that is too far to drive to visit on a regular basis. And he doesn't even have cell service, so we have to wait til he can use the landline there. We just thank God we can pay the bills and learn to deal with it. It's not easy. We've got 6 acres (and another 100 we use) 6 horses, dogs, chickens, etc. Not to mention our two boys! In the past two months i've hauled a ton of hay, unloaded 1000 lbs of grain by myself, fixed fence, moved horses, fixed our pickup, all on my own. And did i mention i did this all while pregnant? LOL! It's not exactly the life i planned on, but we take each day as it comes!

    The kids miss their dad, but my oldest gets to talk on the phone to him when he can. We know it's not permanent so we deal.
    MommaTurbo

    Answer by MommaTurbo at 12:52 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • Just be honest with them, they are all old enough to understand that daddy goes to work. Let them know that it is ok to be sad but you will talk to him as often as possible. My husband is military and we just spent the last year away from him while he was in another country...we used skype on the computer to talk via webcam so we could all see each other. It is best if you keep doing your normal activities and keep the kids and yourself as busy as you can. Let them make a countdown calendar for when he will be home. If he normally helps you out with a bedtime routine have him either video tape or record himself reading one of their favorite stories so they can hear daddy's voice before they go to bed. For you, use your family and friends as support, when it gets hard talk to them rather than complain about it to the kids, and make sure that you get a little time for yourself. good luck momma!
    foxracing43701

    Answer by foxracing43701 at 12:56 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

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