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What are your secrets to a successful marrage?

My husband and I are young, haven't been married too long, and are the parents of a one and a half year old boy. I love my thoughtful husband and my precious, beautiful boy. My husband and I can't wait to have more kids. However, we're a new family, just starting our careers, and have A LOT of demanding family members in town that expect us to spend every waking moment with (or doing something for) them. Sometimes it all gets a little overwhelming (and of course my husband and I get into stupid little fights when this happens). How do we work through these first crucial years so that we can have the rest of our lives to live happily ever after?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:08 PM on Oct. 22, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • my husband and I married at 20 and 21. we've been together 3 1/2 years. ;)
    Those little things you can argue about... REALLY think about it before you say anything. If there is some little thing, we just ignore it. We haven't ever had a fight. We decide if it's REALLY worth it to mention it or not. And we try to take any critisisms constructively.
    Make sure to take time for each other. Whether you eat w/out baby, go for a walk, or go out on a date. Make sure to say I love you. And hold hands. ;)
    mrseum

    Answer by mrseum at 6:14 PM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • We just celebrated our 4th anniversary and are madly in love. We try to keep the passion burning by surprising eachother with little love notes on the bathroom mirror, or in our cars, or I sometimes make my husbands lunch and sneak little notes in there too. We rub each others backs and/or feet without being asked from time to time. We just purposely try to make the other person feel loved and cherished by doing little things are thinking about the other person as much as possible. My husband loves it when he wakes up in the morning and the coffee is brewing..I start it for him even thou I don't drink it. He says it makes him feel "taken care of". It works for us. We really do love eachother alot and just try to show it constantly.
    AnnikaJan

    Answer by AnnikaJan at 6:24 PM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • My husband and I were married at 18 and 19, and our two year anniversary is just around the corner. I find that we both have such strong personalities that we never end up arguing about stupid things, always ones that matter - not that it makes it any better or easier. Our personalities are also such that the next day, if not sooner, we've both forgotten all about it.
    I would discuss with hubby about the family issue, and let him know how you feel about it, and listen while he tells you - and also, try talking to them, let them know that you do want to do things with them, but you have your own lives too now.
    Cheryn

    Answer by Cheryn at 6:25 PM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • treat each other with respect... it's so sad how sometimes we treat the ones closest to us the very worst! we wouldn't say some of the things we say to our spouses to strangers! i think being respectful, even if upset and angry is very important. making little lists of why you love them, focusing on their great qualities. turning positives into negatives. making special time for yourself, them, and TOGETHERNESS. it's an investment, there is no other way to look at it.
    KnoxvilleDoula

    Answer by KnoxvilleDoula at 6:32 PM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • You may be young but you are wise for your years. So smart of you to ask advice than just accept the fighting. I notice the most unhappy couples are the ones in which one or both spouses haven't left their parents emotionally. If you live close by and they have expectations of you, it is important to come to an agreement with each other about what your individual, marriage and family needs are and then to make sure they are met before either of you take on anything else. A young family has enough to keep them busy 24/7 so weekends are important times to connect, have fun and get some things done that don't get done during the week. You can be gentle but firm with your relatives about what you will and will not be able to do. Don't drop them, just work them into the schedule and routine you and your husband decide upon and check it out with each other before making a commitment.
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 6:35 PM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • accepting him for who he is and date nights, plus lots of sex.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 6:53 PM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • With all of the divorces out there it's great you asked this question so young in your marriage. Firstly, congratulations on your being so mature, the matrimony & baby too! Ok, marriage certainly takes work you should never take eachother for granted, Respect one another especially your Finances yes I mean RESPECT your financial status. Most marriages that wind up in divorce are due to financial disaster did you know that? So always consult with one another regarding such matters if you truly value each other. Especially the way the economy is you need to be financially smart. Trust me on this one, men love when their spouse knows how to save & spend wisely & your husband will not only appreciate you more he will adore you and consider you an asset in his life.Cont~
    Bellafleurs

    Answer by Bellafleurs at 6:55 PM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • i got married at 17 i'm 22 now my husband knows his place, he knows i have the last say and my word is law. i control the money and the bills. I make everything my responsibility and he just brings in the money and does a little house work.
    This is the arrangement that works for us.
    chyna_doll

    Answer by chyna_doll at 7:07 PM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • Communication, communication, communication.

    My husband and I are each others best friend. We love to talk. When we disagree we don't "fight dirty" -- we remember that we love each other. We don't call names, we don't say "F YOU".. we fight like adults. I explain my side, he explains his. Sometimes we don't agree - but we understand where the other person is coming from. We share the household responsibilities and we respect what each person brings to the table. We both have our unique strengths and we use them. And we keep our sex life as active as it was before we married.. intimacy goes a long way for feeling content.
    Serafyna

    Answer by Serafyna at 7:11 PM on Oct. 22, 2008

  • communication
    we laugh a lot
    we have mutual respect for who the other person is
    we have the same dreams and goals
    we are without a doubt two of the biggest goofballs in the world....for us not taking things too serious has made this relationship stick like glue...
    Best of luck to you and your family Mama..
    mamakirs

    Answer by mamakirs at 8:27 PM on Oct. 22, 2008

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