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3 Bumps

Seriously, need some advice?!

My husband and I have been together almost five years, we got together young because i got pregnant. Since we have a had another child. We now have two kids ages 3 and 1. Its NEVER been a secret that a big family has been important. Since the day we met i've wanted at least 3 children. He has aways said its a 'strong possibility', until about 6 months ago when he said yes, that down the line we could have more. I laid off him. Kids are a huge passion for me. I love my children and being pregnant. Last night i was suggesting that maybe we could try sometime next year and he said he doesn't want more, they ruin our relationship and he only made me a commitment to get me off his back. This is super hurtful that he would lie to me like this and string me along. I've always been upfront and now i feel like doesn't even care. He just says what he has to to shut me up. I'm at a loss? Any advice? Please no rude comments!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:38 PM on Sep. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Wow. I'm so sorry. I haven't been in your position, thankfully my husband and I agreed that we want a large family, and we're working on that. I really can't give you much advice besides staying calm, talking it through, and if trying to change his mind. Right now, you're kids are both young, and that isn't easy. Wait until you're youngest is maybe 2 or 3, or potty trained, then try again. Ask him to clarify exactly what he meant. Did he mean no more kids, ever? Or does he want to wait until your kids are a little older. And you might want to look into marriage counseling, because just kids don't ruin a relationship, and he said yours is ruined. If none of this works, either resign yourself to a life with 2 children or get a divorce. Sorry I can't help more, but good luck!
    collegemom123

    Answer by collegemom123 at 2:42 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • I'm so sorry! I know how hurtful that must be. It probably does feel like a lie.

    Maybe your husband hasn't lied to you though, and his mind has just changed. He's probably getting cold feet with realizing that you have to actually pay for a big family. You know what I mean? Ideally, he might want the big family, but he may be getting scared. I encourage you to pray about it and keep your mind open. Hear him out on his arguments for not having anymore, and pray that he'll respect you when you tell him your feelings on the issue.

    My husband has never wanted a big family but I always had. We have 2 now (ages nearly 1 and nearly 3 as well!) and are finished, but my heart couldn't be happier.
    Biz1985

    Answer by Biz1985 at 2:42 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • sounds like he has a bug up his butt that may or may not even have anything to do with this. I think you should probably talk to him to find out if there is something else bothering him right now. Maybe he is just stressed about something else and felt like being an ass at the moment or something has changed for him to think he wont get the attention that he wants from you if you have another child. Either way you need to have a serious talk because this sounds like something that is very important to you and it could have major effects on your marriage.
    foxracing43701

    Answer by foxracing43701 at 2:42 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • I can understand your being hurt over this. He should have told you the truth in the first place. It sounds like he is young enough to not know yet that we women can take honesty. Give yourself time to cool down about it, then have a discussion with him. Relationships dont last long if honesty isnt part of the structure. Perhaps he'll change his mind sometime down the road about more kids, but for now, work on the relationship between you and him. Good luck, hon!
    duckigrrl

    Answer by duckigrrl at 2:44 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • You are baby crazy! Maybe you should consider he has been with you through all of this so far. There is something selfish you are doing that he felt like finally hurting your feelings. He obviously doesn't know how to, or communicate fairly on this issue. His actions speak louder than words. He sounds like a responsible guy, however I do not really know. Ask yourself; "If this the end of your baby making days can you handle that and be happy with what you have, or are you willing to leave him for this and find someone who shares the same goals of big family?" I am not saying these things to be hurtful, however you do need to take his feelings into consideration. Why has he stayed by you all along, obligation, love, both? What would be the financial, energy, and other expenses you are demanding. People change their minds, usually because of reality not matching desires. Perhaps you can find a compromise that is best for every1
    freyjawire

    Answer by freyjawire at 2:53 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • Ok, I'm not a rude person (unless provoked) so please do not take this as me being rude or judgemental at all. I understand the want for another child. I have it too from time to time. But how about looking at it from his side too. Maybe he feels financially insecure or like he is already starved for attention and is just happy with what you have....I would say, enjoy your life and the kids you have now and if you end up with another little blessing next year or whenever, then you'll have your 3rd baby and no argument. -Please do not take that the wrong way, I am by no means telling you to get pregant without his knowledge. Just go with the flow... so to speak. LOL!.
    VanessaMomof2

    Answer by VanessaMomof2 at 2:55 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • Sometimes it's a little more stressful to have children under three years old and find ways to pay for the costs of raising a big family. You tend to cut back on stuff and there's more pressure to make more money.
    istealcookies

    Answer by istealcookies at 2:56 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • Let it go! Your husband is being honest about not wanting to have another baby now...atleast he didn't wait until you were pregnant to tell you that he didn't want another child. Right now, you have two children, enjoy it and stop looking for things to get upset about. In this economy, I wouldn't want another child either and maybe your husband realizes the "big" responsibility that comes along with having 3 children to take care of.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:55 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

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