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What things/questions do people say to you ABOUT ADOPTION that drives you crazy?

I was watching a show and someone said "This is a beautiful neighborhood but our street is kind of the step child." I thought that was a horrible expression and it reminded me of the "Just don't say it" question.

What things do people say to you that you hate?

(I hope this is a safe question to ask without starting a war)


Asked by onethentwins at 6:54 PM on Sep. 29, 2010 in Adoption

Level 22 (12,486 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (40)
  • You look just like your mother! You're so lucky that you were adopted! You were the one they picked after they looked at all the babies!
    They would only have given you to a good home! You know that adoptive parents "really" want children more than other people who just get pregnant! Your real mother didn't want you! Don't tell people you were adopted because they may not like you!
    The list goes on!

    Answer by AlisonAstair at 5:25 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I HATE it when I hear someone say `she really isn`t their child. She`s adopted you know. ` I mean what the H--- is that? It does not matter who created the child, but who loves and nurtures and provides for the child. There are a lot of people who don`t deserve to be a parent. Just b/c you can create life does NOT make you a mom or dad.

    Answer by gardenrosalie at 5:32 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • I don't like when people say, "isn't it so wonderful (nice, great...ect) that color doesn't matter anymore." As if my child's culture, history, and ethnicity do not matter. I know what they are getting at - I know they are trying to be nice. But errrrrrrto statement. I don't share that same political rose colored glasses kind of thought.  Plus I find it disrespectful to not acknowledge my child's background.  But I get that from other transracial adoptive parents....we don't really see why it is important to raise her "Chinese" since she is Chinese American now.  We treat everyone "the same."    To me that is just code for not respecting your child for who  they are in their entirety.


    Answer by frogdawg at 8:22 PM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • The "real mom" stuff bugs me, too, and I always correct people and tell them I'm just as real as their bio moms. I'm also bugged by "they're so lucky" because I'M the lucky one to have my kids, not the other way around. I also get aggravated when people go on and on about how much they look like us and nobody would even know they weren't our bio kids and what a blessing that is. We really didn't care either way if they looked like us and would have loved them the same either way, we just happen to have been chosen by two birth families who resembled us!

    Answer by ZoeyBethsMomma at 12:48 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • I hate it when people assume that all adoptees will suffer serious issues as a result of being adopted. Lots of my family members were adopted and they have enduring marriages, advanced degrees and long-term jobs.

    I don't want my son limited by others' (false) low expectations or stigmas.

    Answer by ARgal at 7:09 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • I hate it when people ask me "How many kids do you have?". I respond with "I have 12". They respond with "Are they all yours?"

    Crapola! You just asked how many I have, so of course I just told you how many I have. My newest response to that stupid question is: "I don't count the neighbor's kids, do you?". roflol

    Answer by mommy9 at 9:53 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • that's better. you're original question didn't specify adoption. that's why it was moved.

    Answer by dullscissors at 6:56 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • i am adopted and it annoyes me when people ask me if i ever want to see my real parents or find them.
    or do you know why your parents didnt want you.

    im like really now thanks ugh i hate it

    Answer by AliciaLamoreux at 8:10 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • We adopted thru foster care and it bugs me when people want the "lo-down" on why he was in care, and ask personal questions about his birth parents, as though it's any of their business.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 10:47 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • I hate when people hear we are reunited and say, "well, I guess things worked out then, huh?" Being reunited is an amazing gift, but is does not erase the past or affirm that adoption should have happened. Reunion is a better outcome than remaining separated forever, but it is not a fairy tale and ideal happy ending either. As grateful as I am for reunion, nothing justifies our separation or makes it okay.

    Answer by Southernroots at 11:39 PM on Sep. 29, 2010