Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Private Adoption....

I am a birthmother adopting my child to a family who cant have children.....i need some advice on laws and how long it takes and anything that could go wrong..if im doing this right etc...any info is greatly appreciated....plz leave ur s/n and Ill get back to you.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:24 PM on Sep. 29, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (11)
  • Please join one of the adoption groups on here before you do anything. They have a lot of experience in this area. And lots of people who know how you are feeling!

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:30 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • You need to get in touch with someone who is experienced in this, like an adoption attorney or agency. You shouldn't be doing this on yoru own.

    Answer by ceallaigh at 10:39 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • I would urge you to check into some of the adoption groups here on cafemom. I had a private adoption and it entails having an attorney, for both yourself and one for the adoptive parents. You need a seperate attorney to represent you, using a joint attorney can lead to coercive tactics as his responsbility will lie with the adoptive parents (afterall they are paying). The other thing I suggest is to ask your attorney everything and if you're not sure what to ask I can give you a list of questions, as I'm sure others on the adoption groups can as well. The one thing I realized is my attorney did give up information she only did when I asked.
    There is no law stating you have to sign papers by a specific time or the adoption won't go through. You are the mother until you sign papers and if you want to walk out of the hospital with your child you are entitled to and you own nothing to anyone. I wish someone had told me.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 10:46 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • Read the first answer to the question posted here.


    Answer by musicmom08 at 12:24 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • I can just affirm what others have said, make sure you have an attorney that represents you only. The adoptive parents should pay for this, you shouldn't have to. Any decent attorney will even float you some money for rent/food, etc. that she/he recoups from the adoptive parents. But you need to talk to the attorney, this is not something you want to trust anyone else to handle! And remember that you retain all rights to your child until you sign the final docs after birth. Good luck.

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 11:24 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • I agree with the PP's. You need an attorney to represent you and then the PAP's need one. I would really encourage you to go through some counseling before deciding that adoption is right for you, as well as make sure that everyone involved talks openly and honestly about what they expect regarding future contact. Our adoption agency was wonderful, and I think they have a program where they can help you find attorneys and counseling without actually doing an agency adoption. (I think it's called "identified adoption") You can always call and talk to them to find out.


    Answer by ZoeyBethsMomma at 12:42 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • Go to the birthmother group for advice. Going to an adoption agency is one of the worst ways possible to learn about adoption. Agencies rarely see adoption from the view point of a mother who has relinquished. They generally present adoption as a positive and good option, but, birth moms rarely view adoption as a positive experience. Adoptees feel many different ways about adoption, some positive, some negative and any where in between.

    Answer by Southernroots at 2:19 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I agree with Southern...however disagree that "you are a Birthmother adopting your child to a couple who can't have children"...YOU are NOT a Birtmother until AFTER you terminate ALL your rights, as if "NEVER having been born unto you"! IF you want to know about being a Birth mother go to a Birth mothers group:) JMHO,CJ

    Answer by ceejay1 at 9:15 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • Like everyone said, please get an attorney. If you want to do research on your own here's a place to start
    I very highly suggest you get couseling before you make such a big decision. Like ceejay said, you're not yet a birth mother, don't fall for that tactic people use to try and get you to place. It's coercive.
    Remeber you have the power now, use it. Take your time, research, ask questions and make informed decisons.
    Good luck to you in whatever decsion you make, you're in my prayers.

    Answer by lilsweetpea708 at 10:21 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I would agree with Musicmom - join a group here on CM, and everyone else - get an attorney because he/she will have the baby's best interests in mind.

    And ceejay1, what's the point of being rude? She's planning to relinquish her child to a couple. That makes her close enough to a birth mother to me.

    Answer by WomanWitty at 10:41 AM on Oct. 12, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.