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3 Bumps

can i legaly move with my kids to better our lives even if the father wont agree

I am a 31 year old mom of 2 boys ages 5 and 8 , they are my world . I got divorced from their dad in 2008 and remaried in 2008 to a wonderful man. me and the boys dad have had a verbal custody agreement and never took it to court. I have always let him see them and never threatend him for custody. I have ran into some financial problems and i have to move 2 hours away from their dad. I have more of a opprotunity to better myself and my kids lives by making this move. their dad sayes if i do not have his kids to him on friday he is gonna take me out for kidnapping. It is not out of state . I have offered to let him get them everyother weekend and that is not good enough for him. I dont have any money to get a lawyer so if i let them go with him he legaly dont have to give them back because north carolina has a hands on custody law. also i dont want to hurt the kids . please someone help

 
tomcatsbabygirl

Asked by tomcatsbabygirl at 11:14 PM on Sep. 29, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 7 (194 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • in my case, since neither one of us has custody, i can leave the damn country and he can't do a thing. unfortunately, it goes both ways. so i have prevented any possibility of him being able to do it to me. he doesn't have my number, he doesn't know where we live, and i don't give a shit what anyone thinks, she is better off without him.
    shilohsmama425

    Answer by shilohsmama425 at 7:51 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • How would you feel if you only saw your kids every other weekend? Put yourself in his shoes and your kids shoes. I would work with him to find a compromise that is fair to him and the kids.
    tabekat

    Answer by tabekat at 11:17 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • as long as you stay in the same state you can do whatever you want
    togo90210

    Answer by togo90210 at 11:19 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • First things first you can not be arrested for kidnapping unless the biological father has full custody and you are not allowed any sort of visitation rights. As the biological mother you have as much of a right to your children as he does unless a court has previously said otherwise. Next its not as if you're moving to a place where he can not see his kids and you're not telling him he can not see them. If what you say is true and the move would be for the betterment of you and your children any family court would be hard pressed to find an argument against you especially without a custody agreement in place first. My suggestion would be to see if any lawyers in the area offer a free consultation to give you more details on your state's laws involving the matter.
    Skipo510

    Answer by Skipo510 at 11:22 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • One more thing is I would talk to your kids about this and see how they feel about things. They don't need detail but ask them how they feel about moving, tell them that their dad is very upset about it and see how they feel about that and about the visitations. Like I said they don't need to know all about you and your ex arguing but maybe knowing how your children feel can help you make better choices for how to proceed with their father. Children seem to be very insightful with that kind of stuff and you'd be surprised what they may already understand about the situation.
    Skipo510

    Answer by Skipo510 at 11:26 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • i have talked to them and they say they want to move and that they want to be with me whereever i go . their dad drinks alot and they cant stand to be around him alot because of that , but they do love him and want to visit with him but im not gonna be able to let them visit with him until i can have some kind of custody papers in hand
    tomcatsbabygirl

    Comment by tomcatsbabygirl (original poster) at 11:35 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • also they say they are scared to sleep at their dads because he has roaches bad because they are not very clean and they say they have to take fly swatters to bed with them
    tomcatsbabygirl

    Comment by tomcatsbabygirl (original poster) at 11:36 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • The good thing is you are not moving out of state, just 2 hours away. Its still a little drive but have you and your ex sat down and tried to work on visitation since the kids will now be 2 hours away like he could get a longer visit in the summer ect? If he wont work something out with you and calls the police they are going to tell him its a civil matter. Since neither of you have custody. However he could get so mad that he gets an attorney and forces you to go in for custody. YOure right if you let him have them before custody is awarded he could keep them and get an attorney forcing you to get one. If you do move you may want to get documentation that you are going there to make more money and state you have tried to work something out with the ex but he wont talk to you about it. YOu may want to consult an attorney most have the first visit free and ask what youre rights are. This is a prime example as to why verbal agre
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 11:49 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • agrements dont work things can change in an instant.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 11:49 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • yeah i have talked to him till i am blue in the face, tonight i tried one last time to talk to him , i didnt get mad , i didnt raise my voice and i didnt curse at him. but he sure did me , and his wife in the background runnin her mouth like it is her kids too. the simple fact is i have had them since we split up and only a short period of time has he kept them half the time . I even offered to let him keep them 2 weeks at a time and me keep them 2 weeks at a time and just home school them and he sayes he dont have time to home school them and that he wants me to just give him all the foodstamps and switch all their stuff in his name and he will let me see them every two weeks and any mother is gonna fight that , he cussed me out and said that no judge was gonna give me custody of my kids because i tried a street drug one time . He has held that aginst me forever.
    tomcatsbabygirl

    Comment by tomcatsbabygirl (original poster) at 11:58 PM on Sep. 29, 2010