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2 Bumps

How do you feel about a parent going back on their word to a child?

Our oldest son wanted to play football until he realized it hurts to hit and get hit. DH has griped after every practice that DS is not trying, & acting like a baby. He's 10yrs old. Yesterday DH told him he had til tomorrow to decide if he wanted to play or not. DS told me that he didn't know what it was all about when he signed up and he didn't want to play. Hours after DS said he didn't want to play & has gone to bed, DH has decided that he's not going to let him quit. I don't want him to "be a quitter," but why tell him he can decide? I commented, "you can't go back on what you said," - probably not the best way to put it...and DH goes off on me. He is convinced that kids that quit are losers. I didn't play sports, so he also said "Kids who don't play sports in school are f*ck ups and you're one of them." Do you agree with DH going back on his word? Have you ever done it? *on some thing important*

 
Mrs.B3

Asked by Mrs.B3 at 11:47 PM on Sep. 29, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 16 (3,196 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • Personally I think the only thing you'll accomplish by making him play is 1. to make him hate the sport and 2. to show him that his opinion doesn't matter and that its ok to go back on your word after you give someone a choice. As for how to deal with DH... really to me it sounds like this is more about him wanting his son to pay football not about what the son wants. Maybe try asking him why its so important to him that DS play. Do everything you can to not make it an arguement. Really focus on getting at his reasoning, don't confront, don't argue a point, and most of all don't be confrontational or yell. Listen and try to understand and then calmly try to explain your point. Its not ok that he called you a F-up but from the sound of it he was pretty heated. Maybe let him know that you didn't appreciate him saying that you were a F-up for not playing sports and try to get him to listen to your opinion on DS playing football
    Skipo510

    Answer by Skipo510 at 12:55 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • As someone who was made to finish playing basketball season when I didn't want to at all, I don't agree with it. Since this was his first time ever playing football, your son tried it and it wasn't for him. I see nothing wrong with him doing something else that he does enjoy rather than being miserable doing something that he hates.

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 11:50 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • you need to stand up and be your son's best advocate or his dad will shatter his self image...if the kid doesn't want to play then h e shouldn't have to..kids who are pushed into sports and pushed to do well are also pushed into drugs
    togo90210

    Answer by togo90210 at 11:54 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • If your son tried and doesn't like it, he shouldn't be made to suffer emotionally or physically. Shame on DH for trying to go back on his word! And as for "kids who don't play sports in school.......", well, my DS,11, is not into team sports, but is VERY active, he plays outdoors all of the time. He also just tested at a 12th grade reading level, is a Duke University TOP scholar, is in BETA club, just won his class elections for class representative, and is a heck of an artist. He's well liked and very out going and is extremely well rounded. To say the least he is NOT a F-up!
    dmbutler

    Answer by dmbutler at 12:02 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • IMO, if your dh gave him the choice he should honour the choice.

    The flip side of that 'quitters are losers' mentality is the fact that sometimes it makes sense to quit, and by never allowing a kid to quit you can end up with a child who has a hard time cutting their losses even when it's the smartest thing to do. My mom would never let me quit anything growing up. I honestly think that this mentality and shame about quitting led to me sticking out some really bad decisions later on in life... for instance, I ended up wasting tons of money getting a degree in a field that I KNEW I didn't want to work in... because emotionally I would not let myself cut my losses and quit even though I knew I hated my degree by the time I was through the first year of a four year program. I'm now back at college with three kids trying to retrain... I would have been much better off financially had I cut my losses years earlier!
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 12:30 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • No I don't agree with what he said. If your son isn't comfortable playing football, he shouldn't have to do it. It doesn't make him a loser.
    thatgirl70

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 11:50 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • I think you should make him stick it out for another week and if he still doesn't like it then let him quit. Now as for your husband calling you a fuck-up, THAT is completely unacceptable and would have brought on a slap in the face from me if my husband ever said anything like that to me!
    SarahLeeMorgan

    Answer by SarahLeeMorgan at 11:52 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • To me, I think he gave it good effort. He was excited at first but now he has made up stories about not having practice, and doesn't try at all. I don't want to be an enabler but dang, he says he doesn't want to play. DH said he will make him finish out the season. I think DH regrets that HE didn't play football, so he wants our son to. Of course I can't tell him that because I get bashed for not playing sports in school and all that crap.
    Mrs.B3

    Comment by Mrs.B3 (original poster) at 11:54 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • I'm guessing the hubby was a jock in school. His comment reminds me of Hank Hill and I always thought he was an idiot. No offense to your other half.

    There are times that you cannot keep your word to your child. There's no way around it.

    In this instance your husband is wrong. Most of the time, those who play sports are the biggest asses in the schools. Again, no offense meant, but it sounds like your hubby fits that profile.
    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 11:55 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • No offense taken, he's an ass. My DH played baseball. He was over looked when it came to getting scouts to come look at him because he didn't play football, he says. Football is "THE" sport I suppose. He's said that if DS didn't play football, then the coaches wouldn't play him during baseball. Still, I think DH is putting too much pressure on DS to do the things he didn't do. I don't want my kid to be a snotty kid who thinks he's better than any one because he plays all the sports. He makes straight A's, is in an advanced class designing small robots and is 10 years old on a 9th grade reading level! He is fine! I don't know what to say to DH for him to understand.
    Mrs.B3

    Comment by Mrs.B3 (original poster) at 12:00 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

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