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How to single moms deal with it without the father in the pic?

I've been raising my son for the past four years and his father comes and goes as he pleases. To me it doesnt feel like he loves my son and I dont want that for him. Its so hard being on my own but he's my life and I want to give him the best life possible. Does anyone have an advice that could help??

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countrymommie22

Asked by countrymommie22 at 12:09 AM on Sep. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 3 (26 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Just keep doing what you are doing. I have been a single parent for 7 yrs. Dad comes in and dad goes out, but my kids always have me!
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 12:13 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • Are there any positive male role models in his life? I think this would be important so he can know how a real man is supposed to act and won't follow in his fathers footsteps. Maybe a grandfather or uncle?
    FroggyFeet

    Answer by FroggyFeet at 12:14 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • When I first started out as a single mom (when my daughter was a baby), I had her grandmother watch her. I started working two jobs. The daughter got military health care at the time while I had 4-B group health care from one of my jobs. Later, when my daughter was in grade school, I paid another mom to watch my daughter after school until I returned home from work. The other mom had daughters which my daughter and her daughters made a sisterhood.
    BlueSaphire

    Answer by BlueSaphire at 12:16 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • My sis told her sons dad that he wont need to pay child support if he gives up his rights. So he did. Better to have no dad than a sometimes dad. Luckily for my sis she remarried while my nephew was still so young that he thinks his step dad is his real dad. So it worked out. Which my bro inlaw is adopting him anyways. ...My girls dad was gone for 3 yrs and my SO was all they had which was enough. Now their dad has come back after staring a new family and wants to play daddy and the courts allowed it. He lives far away only gets them 1 every 1 to 2 months and his holidays. My girls are so emotional and half the time dont wanna go w him. I offered him the same deal but he pays so little in child support he doesnt care. So Now my so and I have to be there for my girls even more now emotionaly until their dad finally gives up. It suck either way But You need to do whats best for you and your son. GL
    mymestey

    Answer by mymestey at 12:18 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • Yeah my son has his grandpa in his life as a positive male role model. Really mymestey my sons dad wanted to sign off all his rights but they wouldn't let him.
    countrymommie22

    Comment by countrymommie22 (original poster) at 12:21 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I want to suggest a book that I highly recommend and I respect the author a lot. Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson
    DawnDietz777

    Answer by DawnDietz777 at 1:15 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • @ DawnDietz- Thank you for the suggestion! I've been wondering this same thing too. :)
    nerdyma7

    Answer by nerdyma7 at 1:26 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • Y even have the dad in his life if he doesnt want to be there. He will only cause more harm than good. You are all that your son needs....and his grandpa and anyother family you have. Its more than enough. When he gets older he will want to know who his dad is and you can be honest or say that he was a sperm doner! Thats How Ill tell my girls if their dad does take off again! My girls were so happy before he came back. Dont get me wrong I was fully supportive until he slacked off and continued to..... Now I need to protect my girls and not be so nice!
    mymestey

    Answer by mymestey at 2:20 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • he and i split when dd was five weeks old, and i made it completely possible for him to be a part of her life (supervised, as he has a serious drug problem and etc) but he insisted on screwing it up. finally i told him if he pulled his shit again, he wouldn't be around her. i don't want her to think a man is someone who comes and goes, makes promises and breaks them, and disappears, and watches his family struggle while he does nothing. he has not seen her since oct 08, when she was 6 months, and she is now 2 and a half.
    shiloh has 2 uncles, a good friend of mine, as well as my bestie's wonderful husband, to look at as male role models. i know i am doing what's best. her father would be causing her more harm than good. she asks questions and i tell her her dad loves her so much but does not live with us and can't be in our life. i'll explain when she's older. i can't tell her he lives six blocks away and just doesn't care.
    shilohsmama425

    Answer by shilohsmama425 at 7:37 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

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