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2 Bumps

When and how do I address this with my son?

My son turns 3 in a few months, so I realize his too young to understand this stuff yet. Although he is going to notice the lack of his dad. Now, please, please no rude comments about myself.

My son's father has been arrested for assault and battery with a deadly weapon. The most likely outcome is he is going to in jail anywhere from 5-10 years it just depends on the psych eval and etc. (He didn't do it to me or anyone we know.) So... I honestly have no idea what to do now in regards to our son. (We haven't been together for a while now.) At some point I'm going to have to tell him something. As I said he's almost 3, but he has speech delays and we're beginning the process of getting him screened for autism (most likely high functioning if anything at all). I'm completely lost.

I love my baby and it's killing me that I'm even having to think about this for him. It pisses me off how selfish his father has been with this.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:58 AM on Sep. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • Tell him dad cant be here now its not his fault and give plenty of huggs and kisses....good luck
    mommyibe

    Answer by mommyibe at 1:01 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I don't have an answer for you, I'm sorry, I really wish I did. But I do want to encourage you. You are not a bad mother, you are a loving mother. If you weren't you wouldn't be asking advice. We can't control what other people do, which stinks, but you can control what kind of mother he has. Just shower him with your love, guide him in the way he should go (be authoritative, not a friend), be honest with him, and don't be afraid to ask others to help. I also recommend finding a man that you respect and trust that can be a role model for your son. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It is not your fault so don't blame yourself
    DawnDietz777

    Answer by DawnDietz777 at 1:11 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I really feel for you. Wow three years old is hard enough to explain something like that. But if he has autism. That kinda makes it harder. I don't really have an answer for you either because I have never been through this. But I agree you are gonna have to address it sooner or later. You want to keep building his self esteem to so what I would do is talk to a doctor about the best way to approach this in a way that your son will understand. This is going to be complicated so you may need to seek professional help on this.
    redneckmom777

    Answer by redneckmom777 at 1:23 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • Make sure you have pictures of his daddy to look at, make sure you tell him his daddy loves him & wishes he could be here. Dont try to explain Jail to him, but explain that daddy had to go away for a little while but he'll be back & while he's gone he'll miss him alot.
    lilmoosesmom

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 8:00 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I think I would just let him know he's loved and that his father has made some mistakes but loves him. PM me if you need to talk about the autism, I've been there.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:43 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I would consult a child psychologist on this one.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:31 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

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