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I was reading a post that got me thinking and got me so sad. Why would dads give up their rights to their kids in exchange to avoid paying child support?

This makes me terribly sad and I wonder why some men do that to their own children? I don't get it. Now after reading responses to this other post my suspisions were confirmed. Whenever my dh and I have problems he will stop talking to me and also will hardly say hello to my dd and even when dh and I don't talk for days he still won't call my dd at least to say hello. This has always hurts me so much. So sounds like my dh would be one of those pathetic dads I mentioned above if something was to happen between us. I'm very sad now.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:32 AM on Sep. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • those guys are called, "dead beats", and although your dh and dd go through rough times, hopefully this would never happen to them. These are the extremes and its tough,,,,it is all about the money and not about the child. And ya know what? If it really does come down to the money versus the child,,,then hit the road Jack,,dont cha come back no more...who needs that as a father anyway?
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 1:36 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • These are usually dads that do not emotionally support their children anyway. They do not visit, so they feel why not get out of paying. You are right it is very sad.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 1:42 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I have no idea.  When my husband's niece was 15 my sil signed over her rights so she wouldn't have to pay child support to her ex-husband any more.  She was unemployed and trying to take care of her injured husband and said she couldn't afford the child support.


    She didn't stop being in her life, though.  It was an agreement her and her ex came to.  I guess it worked.  They don't all get along even now.  This summer they had a big falling out over the grandkids (the niece has 3 kids of her own now) who they never get to see.  As much as I love my inlaws I try to stay out of the drama.

    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 1:44 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I only know one guy who is trying to do that, but he can't because the mom already sued him for child support and he's been paying for almost a year now (the baby just turned 1). They broke up right after the baby was born, and the mom pretty much refused to let him see his daughter, even though he and his mother begged and pleaded with her for months. In the past year, he's seen his daughter maybe 8 times. When she sued him for child support, he was already giving her money every month, trying to find opportunities to see his daughter, but she wouldn't let him. After they broke up, she moved in with her ex and he's helping her raise the baby. I feel so sad for my friend because he spent months crying, begging, etc., to get to spend time with his baby, just to have the mom do that to him. She's raising the baby to think that her boyfriend is the baby's dad, and after a year of that, he's finally starting to give up hope.
    Mrs.BAT

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 1:53 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • Oh, and it wasn't his idea to do that, it was the mom's because she wants her boyfriend to adopt the baby when/if they get married, and she doesn't want the baby to even know who my friend is. He's tried fighting for shared custody in court, but lost because where we live, unless the mother is found to be unfit, she always gets sole custody. He wasn't emotionally abusive or neglectful, they just had one fight and she cut him out of her life and their child's life. (They were really young when they had her, both were barely 18, and from what I know of her from the little contact I've had with her, and the texts I've seen, she seems like a very immature b****.)
    Mrs.BAT

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 1:57 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I posted that on the post your talking about. In both situations the fathers were never there to began w. My ex is only around cause his parents payed for him to take me to court. He was gone for 3 yrs than comes after me for rights. Now his parents regret helping him caouse he pays next to nothing and is never there for my girls. They are actually going to court on my side. He has a step daughter and a son. My daughters have no bedroom or bed when they visit w him. They have a box of toys. His stepdaughters has her name written on all her things so my daughters wont touch. My girls have not spent one day in their life with jsut their dad. They are 6 and 8 yrs old and If you ask them who raises them and whos their parents they say Me and My SO. Their father is doing more harm than good. And when his childsupport gets raised who will take the deal to give up his rights so he wont have to pay. Court next month well see.
    mymestey

    Answer by mymestey at 2:02 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • Not to mention I dont want my girls bio dad to be around only because he has to pay. Or because his family wants to see my girls so he picks them up for visitation and drops them off w family anyways. My girls would have never known him if he would have just stayed gone. Now they have to wonder when hell come see them. why he doesnt want to see them more. Why this new family gets all his time and so on. Its more damdge than good. If he really loved them than he would have seen How much they had before he came back. They had a mom and a dad and great home and a big family. Why would he want to ruin want they have what they know and love.
    mymestey

    Answer by mymestey at 2:09 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • yes there are men who usually dont have jobs and are getting further and further behind in child support and have either already been to jail or are about to go to jail for it, so they give up their rights to avoid the problem they created. my DDs sperm donor is one of those who would sign away his rights. and its just like you said as soon and he and i stopped our physical relationship and i got involved with someone else, he stopped calling or trying to visit his child. he always expected me to call him for her...and to bring her to see him...i told him thats not my job. he wasnt paying child support AND i was expected to try to make all contact between him and HIS child, not to mention the drama with his girlfriend. so yes after a while, the calls dwindled down to once every 6 months or so. she is 6 and just got her first X-mas gift from him! he wonders why my SO is her father figure?!?!
    secondtyme520

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 7:45 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • My parents divorced when my brothers and I were all teenagers. He had helped raise us for nearly our entire childhoods, yet the moment he went to court for the split, he said that he was going to sign away his rights. He refused to pay child support and became livid when the judge told him that he could sign us away but had to pay 1/2 of my sick brothers medical bills. I know exactly why he did it, he's a selfish, self absorbed asshole who put himself before his kids.

    -xoxo-

    Answer by -xoxo- at 11:52 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

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