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can u love someone even if he is abusive

Many a times i see questions in which a moms says sth about her abusive husband & how she is a victim of abuse(physical, mental or emotional) but says she still loves him. I could n't figure out how can one love a person who is abusive to u

Answer Question
 
A11

Asked by A11 at 5:33 AM on Sep. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,687 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I used to work as a legal assistant and saw a lot of domestic abuse cases. It's not really about love. It'sa vicious cycle. First of all the woman is emotionally abused and made to think she is less than nothing, she becomes insecure and feels worthless. She is often cut off from family and friends long before the physical abuse starts. Many times she is not allowed outside the home without her hubby or boyfriend. If she has children she is scared for them. It's not love, it's a sick type of dependence due to the abuse. Many women want to leave but are afraid too, have no money (hubby controls it all) no way of getting out and no family or friends to help them. The most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she decides to leave. The women's shelters are often full and how is she supposed to leave with kids, no money and no place to really go and no support system. And the hubby will often come after her.
    SophiaofLight

    Answer by SophiaofLight at 5:38 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I do not understand this either. Especially having been in an abusive relationship before. I stayed for a while (did some abusing myself) because I did not want to run home to Mother, but love him?! HELL no! I hated his guts and told him so frequently! I guess mine was just attempted abuse, I never fell into that submissive role.

    carlye828

    Answer by carlye828 at 6:24 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I am currently leaving an abusive relationship.... I do love him, he is the father of my child... but I hate him at the same time.... He made me feel worthless and made me feel like nobody would want me... he hates all my friends so I stopped having them, he also made it impossible to see my family... He was the only thing I had ( besides my son of course) I also had to start working again (which I don't mind) because he wouldn't even give me $5 to get food... even after I worked my ass off to put him through school... These men controll you and unless your in that situation you have no right to judge,,,,
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:11 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • yes...........
    HuntersMom25

    Answer by HuntersMom25 at 7:59 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I agree with SophiaofLight, but I do believe you can still "love" the person...but that doesn't mean you should stay and deal with the abuse.
    Mortiferouslatt

    Answer by Mortiferouslatt at 8:48 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • i was head over heels in love with a man who abused me for years. i was convinced it was my fault... "my attitude, me running my mouth, me not knowing how to behave..." an abuser will make you believe that they are not at fault and if you could only improve and please them this would not be happening.
    he had many good qualities. and i still love him. but i love him from very far away, and without contact. i love my life, health, happiness and safety more.
    shilohsmama425

    Answer by shilohsmama425 at 9:19 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I feel that you can but, you need to understand that when thay put you down and abuse you and tell you that know one wants you thatthere is someone there for you and that you are a person that does not deserve to be treated that way.
    kim2447

    Answer by kim2447 at 10:18 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • yes you can. I was verbally abused for 19yrs. separated for 1 yr. I still love him but now know i can live with him.
    spagal99

    Answer by spagal99 at 11:33 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

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