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Should I give him a chance to prove that he want be better and keep the family together?cont. Hi, I am wondering what the others womens and moms like me, woul do if they husband( 47y) tell you that he have a girlfriend(20y,gorgeous/smarts)that hi likes and care a lots.

Hi, I had post my problem yesterday. Thanks for the answers. I decided to meet and talk to the mexican girl. So now, what should I ask her? Or tell to her? I am been praying and asking God to help me to do the right decision, but just someone who is or was in my position, know how hard is. I think about my feelings for him and all the dreams to grown older together, and I can't believe that we are going thru this. I am very concern about our little ones, they adore him.
My husband told me that he doesn't want to leave our family, but that he got a very strong feeling for her. And if I tell that i don't accept that, he will drop her. Sorry but I think that what I am writing here is so ridiculous, I always though that I wouldn't consider staying with a cheater, but isn't easy to take a decision when are little ones involved, i don't want to be selfish. Thanks.


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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:54 AM on Oct. 23, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • I don't know what you could say to her.....he says they won't be having sex.... so what does she want then, just his money? I'm wondering what reason she'd want to move in with your family? What are your kids going to think about this arrangement? They can see and feel things that we never know we're showing them, exposing them to.
    I think if you go for this, then if you don't agree to it.. is there going to be another woman in a few months etc? Kids or no kids, I don't think what he's asking would be right for me but especially with kids, no way, not happening for me. I think whether he knows it or not, it's going to destroy your family. Once she gets in, how the heck are you ever going to get her out?
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:13 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Hi, I am not even considering to accept her. i will talk to her just to check out her. Because now she say that she doesn't want to live with us, and she already told him, that she doesn't want to be with him forever, after she gets there she will look for a special man for herself to married. So I guess for everyone is very clear that she is just using him to get a visa to live in the US, Just him is blind minded that doesn't see that. I even ask him about that but he doesn't believe that she is using him. She is a very good player. She even told him, that if i don't give them authorization, that she wont have sex with him, because she doesn't want destroy our family. Bull S! She is just making believe that she is a honest and good Samaritan, just him don't see the devil.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:25 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Dont you have to marry someone to get a visa? If your husband is obviously married to you then how he could marry her too. I didnt read your post the last time but I think it sounds kinda fishy on his part. I wouldnt joepardize your health and the safety of your kids. How do u know their not sleeping together? God forbid he contracts something and gives it to you! Hes got a lot of balls asking your "permission". I would tell him to leave. Its not fair to put your kids through that. They are better of fwith divorced parents then parents who dont get along. Im sure you dont want your kids thinking that thats what marriage is. Nor should they see the torment you would go through as their mother.
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 7:34 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • You deserve better!
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 7:38 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Also, I def wouldnt talk to her. Its not going to solve anything especially if she lies to you. It may just hurt you. Your husband is the one ruining the marriage, not her. He said his vows, not her.
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 7:56 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • He regrets telling you b/c now he can't have his fun
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 8:03 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Leave, Sorry your not his doormat.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:04 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Im sure you posted unanonymously by accident but I checked out you pic in your profile. You are absolutely gorgeous and can do wayyy better!! :) Its gonna be hard but you need to give your children and yourself the life and love you deserve
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 8:06 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Regardless of how this works out, I'd be watching him very very carefully. Men don't typically just out of the blue say they have an emotional ll connection to a women that is 27 yrs their jr and want to move them in etc... she can't get a visa by just living with an American family. And if she's illegal, you are likely to get in trouble for harboring an illegal. I think your hubby is going thru his midlife crisis or something like that. Tell him to go rescue a pet from the pound, buy a new corvette/sports car, something that you can both enjoy or in the case of the car you can sell once he comes to his senses. I see huge red flags swinging wild here. I don't know if you're from Brazil or if you're just Brazillion (sorry not sure about correct word) but most american women here would never accept that and american men wouldn't be stupid enough to expect us to.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:27 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • I think he is taking advantage of you and will continue to do so unless you put a stop to it. I wouldn't talk to the girl. It doesn't really matter what she says. Most likely since he's cheated before, he'll do it again. If not with her, then with someone else. So he's the one I would be talking to. It is not ok that he's married to you and has an "emotional" connection with someone else. Don't stay with him just because of the children. As they grow older, they will see what kind of person he is. Do you really want them to think it's ok to cheat and lie to their spouse? You may be in love with him, but is he really in love with you? I know it must be hard to listen to your head instead of your heart, but what good will it do if you love and respect him, but he doesn't love and respect you back?
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 8:46 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

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