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9 Bumps

am i in the wrong for having in laws stay away from my child?

They neve visit him, the only way they have anything to with him is if I take him to their house. My babys fathers incarcerated and has no clue how they treat us. I can't leave the house unless they know where I'm at without them trying to wreck my family.

Answer Question
 
alou_jull

Asked by alou_jull at 9:38 AM on Sep. 30, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • It sounds like it would be better for you if they were removed from your life. It's not like you are going to have to tell them to stay away, just don't go over there.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:40 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • My family does not see my son. My choice. They sound a lot like your family!
    Mom2Just1

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 9:43 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • It sounds like u need to get them out of your life!!!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 9:44 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • it depends how badly you want your baby to have a relationship with his grandparents. sometimes, though it's not right in my opinion, you have to be the one to engage everything when it comes to them seeing him, and in a perfect world they can't get enough of him and are always asking to come over and what not. in my situation it's the first one and it sucks. i've stopped asking my mother in law for anything and just let her call the shots, the only one who will pay in the long run will be her when my kids realize she doesn't care about them as much as she should. i wouldn't write them off if i were you but i would stop making the effort, unless it's super important to you that your son has a good relationship with them.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 9:45 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I agree with tnm786. In fact that's pretty much how I handled it with my mother in law. We have the only grandchildren on both sides. You'd think they'd be spoiled rotten, but no, and my mother in law lived just a mile or so down the road for many years. I tried with the first baby, but she showed less than any interest, after that I left it to her. My middle son was 9 months old, the youngest not born, and we didn't see her again until my father in law died (they were divorced, he had a relationship with the boys) three years ago when the boys were 16 & 18. They didn't even know their own grandmother, and sadly, it didn't seem to bother her. I was heartbroken for my husband, who was really hurt, the boys didn't care, they hadn't lost anything, and there are no other grandchildren, so it isn't like they saw her treated cousins differently.

    I wouldn't cut them off, but I'd leave the effort up to them. Good Luck.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:55 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • You should never deprive your child of their grandparents, unless they are out right mean to them.
    older

    Answer by older at 10:01 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • if they do more damage than good than cut them out of ur life
    Snavarro08

    Answer by Snavarro08 at 10:03 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • my inlaws see my kids but my parents dont. my dad and stepmom are not the kinda people i want my girls around so we only see them everynow and then at like mcdonalds for lunch and im always there. the inlaws are free to take the girls overnight or just the day they r great people
    mayo9mommy

    Answer by mayo9mommy at 11:23 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • Stop making an effort. It's not your job to make sure that your in-laws stay a part of your child's life. Both sides have to make an effort and meet in the middle. Sorry you have to deal with that, and if they're stressing you out just don't bother with them at all. It's not worth it.
    Nanixh

    Answer by Nanixh at 3:03 PM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • As a parent it's your responsibility and duty to surround your kids with loving people who will help teach them the values you feel are important. Those people are not necessarily always family. Destructive people do not get a free pass into my child's life just because we happen to be related. My son doesn't see my inlaws much either, and I am happy they live halfway across the country. They are pure drama and I don't need that around my kid! No grandparents are better than irresponsible destructive grandparents.
    getrealmama

    Answer by getrealmama at 8:04 PM on Sep. 30, 2010

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