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why hasn't he married me?

we 've been together for almost 14 yrs, have two kids and for the last yr of our relationship we've had some issues in the relationship. about a yr ago i got a hold of his cell voice mail and there was another women on there that left a couple of messages saying things like i love u miss u can't wait to hear ur handsome voice. I confronted him right away and he told me it was a co worker playing a joke.....and he expects me to believe this. But at the same time our relationship has become less and less intimate, he rather spend time w his friends and i'm not allowed to meet his friends, he goes in his car on a nightly basic to make a 20-30 min phone call and says he just wants privacy...i say who's the other women, he tells me i'm psycho and if he didn't want to b w/ me i'd b the 1st to know and i need to trust him, but why is he so secretive all a sudden when the first 13 yrs he was all about me and our family????

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Sep. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • You really need to stand up for yourself and tell him that unless you and your children come first he can leave. I am also really sorry to say this but he is probably cheating on you. When he calls you a psycho he is trying to turn it around on you. My husband would have no need to leave our home to have a phone conversation. And you are not allowed to meet his friends? What is that? You deserve better than you are being treated, so tell him to shape up or you will find someone to treat you the way you are supposed to be. You have to watch out for yourself and your kids.
    TeriMelisa

    Answer by TeriMelisa at 11:25 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • why would you want to marry such an ass?
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:25 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • i think you have answered your own question
    for the question of why not marry, why would he, he has been with you for a long time and things are not good the last year, so question does not make sense
    for his secret phone calls and the woman with the message of i love u, i miss u, handsome- you already know this answer of his as a joke is a total lie

    so what is your question?
    - is he cheating?
    or
    -why not married yet?

    I am confused on this, sounds like a vent, sounds like you are correct on your feelings that something is going on
    so, you have mine answer of yes, I too think it sounds like he is cheating

    sorry, You are going through this and hope it all worked out for the best
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:26 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • to answer your question though..he probably doesnt want to marry you because that would be giving you the upper hand in everything and he knows how unhappy the two of you already are.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:27 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • He has given you NO reason to trust him,that is why.I'm so sorry you are going thru this.I know how painful it must be.But don't give up before the miracle happens!See if he will go to counseling with you.If not, then you go.If,after you go to counseling,and nothing has changed,I would say you have some decisions to make.Which counseling will give you all you need to change your situation.14 yrs. is a long time.Good luck to you.
    bvannkissy

    Answer by bvannkissy at 11:30 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • No need too.. Sorry but you have given him all he wanted there is no reason to marry now... If he wanted or intended to he would have done it within the almost 14 years you gave him..I am sorry, You are going through this and hope it all worked out for the best
    MTM

    Answer by MTM at 11:31 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • Why would he? He's "having his cake and eating it too"! Stand up for yourself and get to the bottom of it asap. You have the right to know! Sounds like he's already checked out of this relationship! Wish you the best.
    mamaada

    Answer by mamaada at 11:32 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I wouldn't live like that. I would boot his butt out the door. Oh and if he married you, it wouldn't change anything
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:32 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • thanks, I've been going to counseling for 3 months now....it seems to b helping me a little but really i think we need couples counseling and when i asked him he told me when i work on my self then he'll think about couples counseling
    angie3897

    Answer by angie3897 at 11:35 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I'm afraid if I were you, I would very quietly set myself to take the kids and leave. Check into child support, and all of the other practical issues. I know it hurts, but you deserve better, and so do your kids.

    If he's willing to try relationship counseling, that might be worth it since you have kids, but otherwise, start transferring money, check into what you'll have for child support, and be ready to leave on YOUR terms....not his.

    I know this is hard, and I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this...best wishes.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:36 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

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