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How would you feel if you heard your husband call someone a pet name that you thought only was for you?

My husband is in an airport this morning. While talking to him on the phone, he spoke to someone else and said "thank you, Babe". This has been the pet name I've only heard him call ME in 23 years of marriage. He is not a cheater so that isn't something to even crosses my mind, but he acted as if someone had just given him a cup of coffee. It felt like a dagger through my heart. Even though he's coming home, I'm afraid I didn't respond lightly and told him that I'd never heard him call anyone else that in all these years , and "now it doesn't mean s..." (and I am NOT a cursing person). We are leaving from the airport when I pick him up for a 3 hour trip to check out a college for our teenage son. How should I handle this? I considered telling him to take our son alone, but he's only home for a week before he leaves again to go back offshore. I don't want to make it a bad week...please help...???

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:06 AM on Oct. 23, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • I feel for you hun... The same thing happened to me only hubby was at work. He has a frien there that he has known for years culd call her his best friend but up until that point I had never met the girl. I was on the phone with him at break and she strolled in and handed him something I dont remember what now but he said "thanks sweets" OMG I was furious! I know what youmean about how i just doesnt mean anythig to you now wen he calls you it. I just told him how i flt after I calmed down a bit. I think at that moment tho I hung the phone up on him. Best thing to do is to tak that 3 hour drive and relax try to remember he loves you and only you! A name is just that a name and once you get a chance talk to him about it. I did with my hubby and he totaly understood even if he thought it was silly. He now calls me sweetpea and no one else lol. Good luck hun hope it helps knowing someone else has gone through it too! *HUGS*

    Answer by Kerra76 at 10:11 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • I know what you mean...that is my name...not for someone seem sensitive like myself..
    I would tell him how you feel. He may think you are over reacting, but I would have to say how I feel. I understand totally...maybe he will too.

    Answer by Dannee at 10:11 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Yep I agree with the other 2. It was probally some attractive woman so he called her babe to see if he still had his mojo...Men are like that sadly.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • I dont think my husband would ever do that (at least I hope he doesnt) but like you said 23 years in marriage and you never thought he would either. I would be livid! I dont think I would be able to bite my tongue but we have an open relationship so we are always telling each other what we think so we can continue to improve. Better out in the open. If you get it over and done with chances are you will not feel bitter towards him all week and his time home can be spent happily.

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 10:27 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • I call my kids by the wrong names all the time. And he was on the phone with you, so he had you on his mind. Maybe he just got mixed up and it means nothing. Don't let yourself stew. Do talk to him and find out his side. Be open. I'm sure you will work it out.

    Answer by older_mom at 10:48 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Babe is such a random word to call anybody and in fact I use it all the time. My boyfriend calls me babe sometimes, but I don't consider it a pet name because you can call everybody babe, and that's not a special name to me. In your case I would try to talk to him and understand the situation more before I jump to conclusions. Its better that you talk to him than just be bitter because its not going to make the situation any better and you will just feel worse. Try to make the best of the week with your husband. Maybe if y'all talk about it, you will soon kiss and make up. Everyone loves making up with their man. GOOD LUCK HUN!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • I agree with the one that said since he was on the phone with you he didn't mean to call her that. My SIL answered my phone one day and out of sheer habit he didn't even pay attention to the difference in the hello but he said "hey babe what cha doin?" and she said , well I'm sitting here with your wife but I'm not babe "lol Another time he was talking to her on the phone and he's done it with other people too and when it was time to hang up, he said "I love you baby"... he's even done that with his Dad so I'm thinking it's nothing to worry about, just habit to say it but in workforce, he needs to be more careful because that can be used against him.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:03 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • First, I would tell him what you heard, and ask him who he was talking to, and tell him how hurt you are. If he brushes it off, I would bet dollars to donuts, this wasn't the first time he'scalled her 'babe". If he says something like, "It's not a big deal", tell him "It IS a big deal. He may try to talk you into making you think it isn't a big deal. If it's a big deal to you, then it's a big deal! If you feel in your gut that something's going on, then it probably is. Go with it.

    Answer by patrickroy at 11:06 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • I've been married 22 years and sometimes I've heard my hubby call someone "Babe" or he will say I love you, at the end of the convo...not realizing he just spoke to a realtor or a lawyer...hahaha...It's cause he will be looking at me or he says his so used to saying that to me on the phone that he says it to everyone sometimes and slips. He actually will call up the person back and apologize what he said or the next time he talks to them he will explain. I don't think your hubby is meaning anything to the other person and probably calls her this because I think he is thinking of you or is used to saying it to it slips. If it bothers you talk to him, good luck!! It's gonna be ok!!!

    Answer by stayhomemom22 at 11:28 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • I am the original poster. He called back and asked if I was calmer and then he apologized profusely. He said he didn't mean those words for someone else, and he DOESN'T do that. He said he was sitting in a airport fastfood place and the girl had brought over his breakfast sandwich. He said it slipped out and he didn't mean it for her, or to hurt me. He did explain that he had been up almost 24 hours due to his work. All that makes sense to me, but something about it still hurts deeply. It feels as if what he's called me is "tainted" now. I know I'll get over it, but he is asking for forgiveness and he said he doesn't want his "slip of the tongue" be the basis for his week home. Thanks to everyone for the replies. I had already thought of what was said about him being on the phone with's not like a slip doesn't happen.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:34 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

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