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does your so/dh spend time with your family?

my fiance won't do anything with my family. we moved to a small town which is about an hour from most of my family. we get invited to parties and get togethers a lot. whenever i ask if he'd like to go he says no. we have one vehicle which is his and it's a stick. i can't drive a stick. he says i can go but he knows if he doesn't take me i have no other way. we always spend time with his family every sunday. none of my step mom's family and most of my dad's family has met our son. who will be one next month. i've tried talking to him about visiting with my family. i'm a sahm because we can't afford daycare and don't have a babysitter. so whenever i bring up the subject of visiting he says he pays the bills and works. so i know it will start an argument if i ask if we can visit with my family. any advice on how i can get him to visit with my family too?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Sep. 30, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • Is your fiance comfortable around your family? Do you come from different backgrounds? My SO and I were raised in completely different envoirnments, so our families are very different. In the beginning, he was uncomfortable around my family. And I understood. So he would only spend time with them at holiday sort of events. But as time worre on, and we became more serious, my family wanted to get to know him. And although he is shy, he did it for me. And now he and I go to concerts with my dad, and breakfast with my mom, and things like that. And he wants to go.

    My advice would to be to try and talk with him about how important this is to you. Were you close to your family when you lived closer? If so, bring it up to him. Its not like you are trying to get him to go out with your girlfriends to a chick flick. This is your FAMILY. Its important to you. Just as important as it is for him to spend Sundays with his family.
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 3:48 PM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • fiancee is difft from DH. If its DH I'd worry more. As a promoted boyfriend, he's still trying to find his place. Its probly very awkward for him and feels better retreating.
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 3:36 PM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • There is nothing you can do to change him. Either he chooses to go or he chooses not to go. What you can do is start refusing to go with him to visit his folks, but you must tell him the reason is that if he refuses to go with you to visit your family, then you are not going to visit his. This is a power play, and I don't ever like power plays in any relationship. If I were you, I would probably start asking somebody to come get me for your family's gathering. If that means you have to be gone several days, then so be it. You cannot allow this to continue.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:43 PM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • this appears to be a control issue. next time you ask, and he says but you can go, say great hon thanx, and then make arrangments for someone in your family to come get you. this is an issue you should examine carefully. many abusers start by isolating their wife, cutting her off from her family. then friends,,,,and it only progress. and it will progress. out of love for you and your child he should be willing to go sometimes, if nothing else he can stay in a hotel but his total brick wall seems like a serious red flag.......be careful, but stand up for yourself. i am afraid refusing to go to his parents would only escalate the matter. it is better to target the problem than to react in like kind.
    hugmms

    Answer by hugmms at 4:04 PM on Sep. 30, 2010

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