Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

help me please! 21 single mom totally lost!

ok i am 21 and my son is 15 months old i am a single mom and i go to school full time (not so full time seeing as i have been missing school because of him!) and i knew this was going to be hard but he is out of control he screams doesnt listen does what he wants and if u try and correct him he looses it right there like his world just ended! i chose to do this because i felt it was the adult thing to do, you play you pay right? and as determined as i am to raise this child right- i need help, i am finding myself getting mad which isnt ok he is to young for time outs and way 2 young for a spanking i am at a loss for everything! please any advice is helpfull!!!!

Answer Question
 
sunpettlez

Asked by sunpettlez at 12:12 PM on Oct. 23, 2008 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • he is not too young for time outs. time out in a crib or playpen is perfect at that age. the hardest part is being consistant. you can not give in to the tantrums. so he wants a poptart and you say no he pitchs a fit. pick him up and place him in his crib. tell him I said no. when you calm down you may gety out. leave the room. wait for him to calm down. go in get him tell him no fits when mommy says no. do thisa everytime he throws a fit and it will stop
    Lyndall

    Answer by Lyndall at 12:17 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Oh honey, he is not too young for a swat on the butt. You have to gain control now.. You don't think he knows what he is doing already? He is trying to assert his authority over yours... Don't play that game. Show him who is boss NOW. You cannot wait.. If you do, he will gain control over you. I see it too many times. Don't count either.. that drives me crazy. He should know that if you put him in his room for time out, he needs to stay there or face consequences...
    pupmom

    Answer by pupmom at 12:19 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • I agree - he's not too young for a time out. I do have to say though, that in order to effectively and reasonably correct a 15 month old there are some very basic things to remember. A 1yo does NOT have the impulse control to not do something you've told them not to do in the past. Even if they *KNOW* not to do something, it doesn't mean they have the control to obey that rule. With this in mind, it really IS ok to give a warning with consequence statement . "No. No touching the TV. Stop or you go to your crib." If he does not stop, then follow through. The rule of thumb is a time out lasts 1 minute per year.

    More importantly though, at this age step 1 is correct then redirect. It's saying "no, no touching the frame" followed by "Oh look! Let's play with this big blue ball!" When you correct him speak firmly - you don't have to raise your voice, just be firm.
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 12:28 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • yeah I am also 21 and my son is 2 1/2. I also go to school full time and i work 2 part time jobs, so i understand how you feel! My son has always been a pro at tantrums and the best advice i received was what everyone else is saying consistancy I found what was most effective was when the tantrum started to put him in his room and tell him he could come out when he was finished crying When i first started he would sometimes cry for up to 30 minutes but now it usually only takes him about 1-2 minutes to calm down. Even though i felt horrible leaving him crying for that long i found if i caved and went and got him the negative behavior continued, so i learned to just ride out the crying. and like i said now he's 2 1/2 and the tantrums rarely last longer than 2 minutes and he listens majority of the time when i say no. Just hang in there, it gets better! hope this helps
    ba13ygrl1987

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 12:38 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • At that age it's still hard for kids to verbalize their feelings and frustrations, so it comes out as whining or crying or tantrums. It's how they express themselves. So, know that it'll still happen to some extent until he can really express himself. You are right in getting it under control now though, and the above comments are full of good advice. There can be an underlying cause to all of this too though. Perhaps he's not feeling like he's getting enough attention from you, and has found a behavior that gets him attention. If kids don't get enough positive attention, they'll find a way to get attention, even if it's negative. Also, he could be picking up bad habits from daycare, so maybe reconsider his childcare situation. Good luck momma, and hang in there!
    bltcahill

    Answer by bltcahill at 12:55 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • I KNOW HOW U FEEL I'M 20 AND BEEN A SINGLE MOM SINCE I WAS 17 YRS OLD I RISED MA DAUGHTER BY MA SELF FOR 2 YRS AND STILL GOING.. ITS HARD I KNOW.. I'M ALSO A FULL TIME COLLEGE STUDENTS AND WORK FULL TIME. BUT I LUCKLY HAVE FRIENDS THAT HELP ME WIT MA DAUGHTER.. I ALSO HAVE MA FAMILY THAT HELPS ME SO I DONOT MISS WORK NOR SCHOOL..

    O AND OTHER THING UR SON IS NOT TO YOUNG FOR A TIME OUT.. JUSS SEND HIM TO HIS ROOM FOR LIKE A 10 TO 15MINS OR MAKE HIM SIT IN FRONT OF U AND HIS CHAIR AND TALK TO HIM ABOUT BEING GOOD... I DID DAT WIT MA DAUGHTER AND NOW SHES A GOOD LISTENER SHE STILL NEEDS TIME OUTS NOW AND THAN BUT SHES GETTING BETTER
    BUT DO NOT SPANK HIM. THAT WILL JUSS CAUSE MORE PROBLEMS..
    hz_babymama

    Answer by hz_babymama at 1:05 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • NOT too young for time outs!
    vakatia

    Answer by vakatia at 1:44 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • but the problem is my son has a never ending supply of energy and he is always into everything eating candles and cat sh**???? its crazy!!! so he is always in his playpin for his own good! so when he does somthing wrong i tell him no and put him back in his play pin he thinks its the norm and he screams plays then screams some more! and im not talking about screaming for like 15 min and falling asleep - he doesnt give up 45 min of snot nosed screamning! and i know thats not healthy but what else do i do??? supervise every sec of this childs life to have a place to punish him? i go to school full time and i am so tired! i didnt ean 2 young for them i mean 2 young to understand them......
    sunpettlez

    Answer by sunpettlez at 2:02 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • You'd be surprised what he understands. I have a 15 month old and he knows when he's doing someithg he's not allowed to do. I catch him playing with my phone, and as soon as I say his name he throws it and runs. He knows!! The previous posts have a ton of good advice. First of all, put all the candles where he can't reach them, and put the litter box in a room with a gate. Make it so there is nothing that will hurt him within his reach. That way he won't have to be in his play pen all the time. Still, make some things off limits, like the remote, the phone, etc. That way you will not be as stressed out worrying he will get hurt. When he gets into something hes not allowed, give him an immediate consequence, like in the play pen for time out. Good luck!!!
    drowninginboys

    Answer by drowninginboys at 2:12 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • First you CAN do this!!! Secondly, he is not too young for time-outs... I thought that and now we are having to correct the bad behavior now at 2 1/2 and 3 1/2yrs. of age(w/my older 2 children).... Put him in his crib or bed, and have him sit in there until he calms down.... They will calm down eventually..... They will either just stop, or they will prolong it and fall asleep-but that is what we do w/our oldest daughter now-we should have done that at your son's age and we wouldn't be experiencing these issues this late in the game I feel........
    MR777

    Answer by MR777 at 2:48 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN