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My 4 y/o SS has been kicked out of school because of hitting and throwing things. How can I help him.

He has had a rough life his mom left him more than once in his first 3 years, leaving him with his grandparents who didn't teach him right from wrong. She got thrown in jail for having drugs around him and that is when we got him. We have had him of and on for 13 months full time since May '08. I am a SAHM and with him everyday that was an adjustment for both of us: he wasn't used to a mom that wanted him to behave and I wasn't used to a child with such problems. His dad is in the military so, I am his primary caregiver. He started preK in August and at first he did really good but, in the last month or so he has starting acting out, hitting, biting, throwing things and screaming. When I go up there he behaves but, if I am not there it escalates until he is uncontrollable.

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Asked by matthewscandi at 12:42 PM on Oct. 23, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (7)
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    The director of the PreK wants to "handle problems their" and not call parents. He doesn't misbehave has bad at home too much anymore and when he does I can usually get it under control quickly. I need to know how they can control him at school. I spank him and that works for me, we tried everything else. INCLUDING giving him more one on one attention. At school they can't spank him so, they do timeout and taking things away, which he doesn't care about and continues the behavior. He has a doctors appt Tuesday to see what other options we have. Currently he is suspended until Tuesday. Any suggestions would be helpful. And don't tell me he is my SS its not my concern.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 12:43 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Get him some counseling. He is so little and so confused, he seems to be acting out due to a chaotic start to his life. His doctor should referrer you to a good counselor. try not to resort to meds unless it is a last resort and the doctor sees no other way. Don't worry about school right now, he can always just start kindergarten with a fresh start next year. I would concern myself more on making sure he has a stable and secure life, and making him feel that way too which may be the hardest part. This will be a long road for you guys he won't wake up one day and feel safe. It will take time.


    Answer by Izzyscrazymom at 1:39 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • I am sorry I dont really have any advice other than a counsler and maybe even some family counsling. Also maybe talking to the school about the problems he has had to deal with. Maybe they can recommend a counsler or therapist for him. I am sorry you have to deal with this. At least he has someone who cares for him enough to try and help. Good luck

    Answer by lovemybabys1106 at 1:42 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • I can understand where you are coming from. I too have an overly active son. He has not had the background your's does, but we are having issues with his daycare for disrespecting (in all forms). He is on the verge of being kicked out. I've had mine in counseling in the past, and believe it or not, it has actually helped. His anger went down, his understanding went up, and his respect seemed to be getting us. The daycare seems to not be able to get him under their thumb, and I like you use the spanking treatment, which works. However, of course they can not. I think you are on the right track with the doctor. You never know now days who is certified and who isn't when in comes to daycares and Pre-k programs. I would consider some counseling. They have some really good ideas for how the kids can let their anger out without hurting themselves or others.

    Answer by Krisgo25 at 1:44 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • it sounds like you have come a long way at home - kudos for that -
    i can tell you that to get my DD from acting out at daycare we told her that the kids she was hitting were sad and only she could fix it by not hitting them anymore - if she got hit she need to say something rather than take it into her own hands by hitting back
    **I would start by asking him WHY he does those things - if the teacher can reduce the "stimulant" than his behavior could change**my dd school has a "distract and redirect" method that works realy well ... if the teacher notices a behavior change she will distract the child from his outburst and redirect him to something else (like a task, or toy, or move him to another part of the room) this motivates him to interact rather than to react.

    Answer by vakatia at 1:53 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • I have tried asking him why and he tells me he doesn't know. I want to keep him in preK because I think it is a good stepping stone to K for him especially. I know his teacher has her bachelors in ECE so, credentials are not a problem. I don't want him put on meds until we have tried everything but, I don't want to be pegged as a bad parent that doesn't care either. Even though, my son's teachers know I am not the kids he is hitting parents don't know that. They have tried distracting him but, there are only two of them and 20 kids they can't spend a lot of time distract him without taking from the other kids. We have a meeting on Saturday when hubby is home to see get him evaluated for a full time person to come in and be there only for him. So far all the counseling places that my insurance pays for will not take him until he is five which is 2-24-09. We already have an appt for March 15.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 2:01 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • My first thought before even reading your post was "this little boy is angry about something" after reading your post, I know why. He needs a positive outlet for his anger. I would be angry too if I had to endure what this little boy has in his short life. He is angry and for good reason, but he can't let his anger impact his schooling, and relationships with others. So, a few tips from my special ed mom are breathing techniques. Breathe deeply in and out 4-5 times until he calms down. Count from 1-10 forward and backwards. Get a punching bag for him to hit. Let him draw a picture of how he feels. Acknowledge his feelings and then help him move on by giving him something else to concentrate on.

    Answer by oregonmom22 at 4:02 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

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