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6 Bumps

There is nothing that my family could do to make me write them off all together......... adult content

Any other Mom's on here that agree with this statement?
-My Mom found out that 2 of her brothers molested me and she did nothing. She even accused me of wanting to jack off my uncle and said she was going to press charges against me for false accusations.
-My dad beat me with a gun rod until I had welts on my body and then told me he would hate me until the day he died.

I wrote them both out of my life and I feel I have good reason. They were mean and hateful people. I've heard other people on CM say that no matter what you should be there for your family...I disagree. What are your thoughts?

 
worriedmommy600

Asked by worriedmommy600 at 11:16 PM on Sep. 30, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 23 (16,335 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (28)
  • I think there are some people we would should stay away from and this would definitely be the true in your case. When people say they wouldn't write off their family, they are talking about the family they have and the issues they are dealing with. Yours are a lot more serious, I'm sorry for all you have been through I hope you are seeking counselling. You have every right to stay away from people who are dangerous, you need to protect yourself.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 6:14 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • IMO, a family is a group of people that love and respect you. Just bc someone gives birth to or donates their sperm to create you does not make them your true family. I would have most likely done the same thing in your situation. It sounds to me like maybe you haven't found your true family as I wouldn't claim these ppl to have any love and respect for you. *hugs*
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 11:19 PM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I agree with you, there are lines that can be crossed to cause you to cut out people from your life regardless if they are family or not. I am sorry for what you went through and those are definitely lines that should have never been crossed, I would have cut them out too.

    sheloveearth

    Answer by sheloveearth at 11:22 PM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • In extreme circumstances, like yours, I would write them off. But for the most part, I may get upset, and hold a grudge for while, but not forever. I believe God made them my family for a reason. I accept them for who they are and what they do, even if I disagree with it. But in your case, they did more harm than good. So, I applaude you for leaving and never looking back.
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 11:35 PM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • I completely agree with you - and I think people who say that "family should always be forgiven" are people who have never been abused by a family member. I stopped contact with my father 19 years ago and it was one of the healthiest, wisest decisions I ever made. Some people are toxic, and some combinations of people are toxic. And some people should just not have or be around children, EVER. My father was at my brother's wedding a few months ago and I was uncomfortable even having him SEE my son. I didn't want him to even know he existed, know what he looks like, anything. He gave up his right to be a father and grandfather the minute he started abusing me.
    getrealmama

    Answer by getrealmama at 2:15 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • My Grandfather is a pedophile. He molested and raped countless foster children that were in his care back in the 70's, as well as his own children and me. (We are currenly fighting with authorities to get something done! Stupid "justice" system!!!) There is no doubt in my mind he is still doing something somewhere. Only difference is that he has moved from little girls to little boys. He does not live in our state anymore and noone has heard from him since he abandoned my grandmother in the hospital after she had brain surgery. You better believe we have all written him off. If he died today, none of us would care. Well I take that back, we would be relieved. That he could not be out there doing who knows what to innocent children. He makes me sick! My children have never met him, and never will.
    At a certian point you have no choice. It becomes about protcting yourself and your Family.
    RheaF

    Answer by RheaF at 12:11 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • I totally agree with you..I have written off several of my family members and it has been 6yrs or so since we have spoken or seen each other..it does not bother me..and no i have no even been close to situations like you have been in but heck no I def dont blame you!
    jorjiegirl

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 11:19 PM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • It's good you loved yourself enough to walk away from family who clearly did not love and respect you. I too had to give up on some of my family for other reasons and for me it's just distance not forever. If that happened YES it would be a deal-breaker for me too. I think sometimes people forget that not everyone has family that is loving, kind and respectful. They feel they wouldn't because they're looking at their situation alone. They need to try to put themselves in other peoples shoes so that they could begin to understand why some people have to walk away or put in some distance. I'm so sorry you were molested and that your parents did nothing to help you. That is horrible! I pray to god no other girls or boys in the family are being abused like you were.

    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 11:25 PM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • Despite how your parents were towards you, I can completely understand why you did write them out of your life. Nobody should deal with accusations from your mother about "jacking" your uncle off. It's almost as if she implied that it was all your fault. You were not at fault, your mother's brothers shouldn't have done that, I can't figure out why she supports them and not you? It just doesn't make any sense.Your dad beating you and saying what he did, that was abuse, pure and simple. With a family like this, you really don't need them.

    It all comes down to the fact that what they did to you wasn't just physical, it was mental. I'm sure you're a better person than they are, and since you decided you don't need them in your life anymore just means that you don't want to deal with it any more. So, I don't blame you one bit, you did the right thing.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:31 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Family can be anyone that loves you unconditionally. Lots of times our extended family...aka...best friends give that unconditional love that we may not get with blood relatives. Sometimes you have to cut out the bad people in your life and sadly many times it is our own family.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 2:52 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

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