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4 Bumps

Why can't he see he's displaying controlling behaviour?

My DH and I was watching a documentary on abusive, controlling men. The pshycologist actually named some of the behaviours my DH had been displaying. I looked at my DH with new eyes. He said to me " You can be glad I'm nothing like these clowns". I couldn't help but think "you mean to say you aren't controlling, jealous, manipulative..." How could he not recognise qualities that he definately has? Denial?


Asked by CassyzMom at 5:24 AM on Oct. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,127 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I think a lot of people seam to not be able to see themselves clearly and it seams that men are this way more often. I know that it's very frustrating. I've had many manipulative and controlling people in my life but some of them I could happily get away from. First, definitely talk to him. Then, I guess calmly start telling him what he's doing when he's doing it. Show him, point it out to him but in a not upset way. I just don't think getting upset will help with this right now.

    Answer by BUTTERCUP777 at 6:07 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Most controlling and abusive men know they are controlling and abusive and blame the past or the person they are trying to control. I personally was in a few of these relationships. It never started off that way though it takes someone at least 3 months before the behavior shows, and by that time the abused is in denial. Men seem to think they rule the roost and they want things done their way. Any who if your man is semi-open minded try and talk to him. If not either get away or learn to live with it. If he is abusive you should get away and take the kids, because the children will pick up the things they see. I feel for you, and hope you have the courage to leave if he puts his hands on in a negative way. I wish you luck in your endeavors.

    Answer by M0m0f2T33nB0ys at 5:46 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • It is hard for people to step outside of themselves and see they have short comings. I have a daughter with Asperger's who refuses to see that she has all the classic signs. People only will see what they want to see until they are mature enough to accept their own faults

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 7:58 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • My STBX couldn't see it either when I talked to him about it numerous times. He had no issue, we had no real problems, he didn't need anger management. He could never see it, but I grew very tired of his controlling. He once admitted to me after I told him I wanted a divorce, that he didn't realize how overbearing he was. That was short-lived, because he went right back to it. And I got out.

    Answer by rio_burb at 11:16 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • That to me would of been the perfect time to ask him if he didn't see himself in any of those men.......No one can control you unless you allow it, I know, been there done that and got out of that........GL


    Answer by zbee at 12:26 PM on Oct. 1, 2010