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2 Bumps

What can one do from across the country to help someone in mourning?

A wonderful person I know lost her husband last night. I just received the message about his death this morning. I gave my condolences and offered my support but I don't feel like that's helpful enough. The closest loved ones I've had pass were my father and grandfather but I wasn't responsible for their funeral arrangements. What does someone in a place like this need? I can't physically go there for support and I don't have any money to send. But I'm worried she doesn't have anyone nearby to help her. How were you helped after the death of ancoose loved one or how have you helped? She's a great lady and I hate that there's not much I can do for her.

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Asked by jus1jess at 7:54 AM on Oct. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,801 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • When my dad died, and I couldn't be with my mom after the funeral, I sent her a card every day for at least a couple of weeks, reminding her that I was thinking of her. You can also call and/or send messages. That's about the best you can do when you cannot physically be there with her.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:01 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • It depends how close you are to her. She is going to need the most care and concern when the funeral is over and friends and family leave to go back to their normal lives. That is when the true reality will hit her and she will need support. Are you close enough that you talk often? You could call her once or twice a week and see how she is managing. It is crucial to know hat she has to develop a new normal for herself. Her life will never be the same. If you can keep that in mind and be a good listener you will be so helpful.

    Answer by elizabr at 8:10 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Send her an email a day with something comforting and inspirational in it, whether she reads it or not. It lets her know you are thinking of her.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 8:17 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Keep contact with her and that's about all you can do. Sometimes when people lose a spouse they go through a period where they really just want time and space to take it all in. Good luck hon, you sound like a good friend.


    Answer by zbee at 8:35 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Keep in contact. send cards and messages. She is probably hurting with the pain of loosing her spouse and terrified about how things are going to be once things settle down. At some point Money is going to become a huge fear. Send things like grocery store gift cards, a gift card to get a dress for the funeral, if she has kids do they need anything... I could not imagine that kind of hurt and fear.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:43 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • If you are really close and can talk about everything tell her not to make any big money decisions for several months. Don't let anyone talk her into annuitites, etc. message me if you want

    Answer by elizabr at 9:30 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

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