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4 Bumps

Does death hurt.......

Dad is older and we were told he is not getting hardly any air in his lungs and he may not be here for Christmas according to hospice. He has an aortic anyersm as well. I spent all night crying, I mean I knew he was bad but now hearing this and knowing it is soon, I just wanna know do you think he will be in much pain. Also how do you explain to your son who is 14 what is going on , he knows dad is bad and will never get any better but do I tell him the recent news so he will know that it may be sooner?

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:06 AM on Oct. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Just tell him the truth. He's 14, that's plenty old enough to understand death. I went to my first funeral at 8. I really can't say if he's in pain or not. Why don't you ask the doctor? He could probably answer that a lot more clearly. My dad has heart problems so bad he has a machine that is attached to a machine in his heart and if his heart stops and ambulance will come. It's happened a few times and I never know when it's going to happen. One day he won't come out of it. It's nerve racking sometimes. And there are a ton of questions.Hang in there! You will get through this!

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 8:15 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Oh honey... Bless your heart! Hugs, Mama. That's a lot to be going through right now. i was not much older than your son when my dad passed. Most likely he knows. I think it would be good if you talked to him a bit, though. But if he's resistant, dont push it. As for does death hurt. I honestly dont know. I want to say that since your father is being taken care of by hospice they will make him as comfortable as possible. I dont know what or even if you believe, but some say that death hurts or is uncomfortable for an instant and then you go to sleep. When you wake up, you are in a beautiful place where there is no more illness, no more pain. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

    Answer by duckigrrl at 8:17 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • I am so sorry. Are there pain meds prescibed if your dad needs them? Most hospices make the patient as comfortable as possible. As fas as your son might be enough for him to know there is no hope of recovery. You might simply say that no one knows exactly how much time is left. It really depends on how he has taken the news so far. You know him best and can tell how much he can handle. You will be in my thoughts

    Answer by elizabr at 8:17 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • as far as your son... tell him... if you don't it will be more of a shock for him later and might resent you for not telling him how serious it really is... I hate it when my parents to that shit to me and i'm 27! as far as it hurting... I'm sorry but yes it hurts... BUT they can make him comfortable / which is what they try to do with terminal paitients... Morphine drip or other pain meds whether its through an IV or other means I will not disscuss... I"m so sorry for your pain and will keep your family in my prayers...
    Take this time to rejoice his life and tell your son all of the great and funny things your dad did! Visit alot or as much as you can because your father knows your presance whether he is awake or not... Say your peace with him and let him know its ok for him to go so that he can feel at peace that your ok... even if deep down inside your not... be strong for your father.. I can't imagin what your going threw

    Answer by Niltiak at 8:24 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • You probably should tell your son now. Not telling him won't help anyone.

    Answer by sherribeare at 8:26 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • I agree with telling your son now so he can mentally prepare himself to this unfortunate loss of his grand father. Normally when it's someones time to go and hospice is there, they give them a morphine drip and they usually are comfortable and feel no distress and go with peace. Hoping this for your father........I'm sorry your going through this, but when my dad went with the same thing your dad has, I was happy he was finally at peace.....


    Answer by zbee at 8:32 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • I lost my Dad in 2005, and it was a horrible way to die.... The only thing I can tell you is that when he died, he was in my arms, and he didn't want to go, but I talked to him all the way through it, and told him to go to my Mom, his Mom, his Dad, and be at peace.. He didn't seem like he was in pain, he just seemed like there was unfinished business, and he was afraid to leave it on me.... I just held him, and kept telling him it would be alright... He needs you now, so just know that it's okay to pray for peace for him, and he will be okay. I know it doesn't make it any easier to let go of him... Message me if you need anything...

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 8:42 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • At first I thought you were asking if his death would hurt you or your son. Yes, it does.
    Will death hurt him physically. Is he in pain? What does his Drs. say.
    Will death hurt him emotionally - spiritually? That depends on his state of mind and his beliefs and faith. It will also be affected on how those around him are handling it.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:33 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • When my grandmother died the hours leading up to her death were the hardest. For my grandmother, the actual death experience I don't think was painful. Hospice made sure that she was comfortable, although my grandmother would never complain. She was surrounded by her entire family, and that contributed to her comfort. On her journey, I could tell by her face, that she seemed to be greeted by those who had gone before her. She would get a look of 'OH! It's so good to see you!' over and over again until finally, she was gone. The death experience is one of the most profound experiences you will ever have - It may be too intense for a 14 year old - but it also may be something he shouldn't miss. Message me if you want to discuss it further. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

    Answer by mpeada at 9:40 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • I would tell him so that he can say a proper goodbye and have the chance to get a little bit of closure. He's 14, so he's old enough to understand. Help him cushion the blow before your dad passes and be there for eachother through the process. It could help all of you cope. You are in my prayers!

    Answer by VanessaMomof2 at 11:49 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

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