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2 Bumps

How do you pluck up the courage to get a divorce?

It's inevitable. We are just not cut from the same cloth. In a very bad way. I've given it my all. Tried my best, we just cannot stop fighting. I know it's bound to come to an end. This is not how I want my life to be, I can see he is miserable aswell. Neither of us want to make the move though. I know if I ask for a divorce, he will use that to get sympathy and to slander me (even though I know he wants out aswell.)

 
CassyzMom

Asked by CassyzMom at 8:25 AM on Oct. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,127 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I was in the same situation. I was miserable, he was miserable, but neither of us wanted to make the move. I finally got to my breaking point and told him what I was feeling. He was angry at first and got a little nasty, but in the end he admitted he felt the same way. I agree with the other girls, an attorney is a good way to go. They do see things for what they are and help you to see it that way too. The whole process was a roller coaster as he went through periods where he agreed with me then the hurt came out and he bad mouthed and belittled me. In the end, it was worth all the pain.
    mandapanda942

    Answer by mandapanda942 at 9:27 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Just go see an attorney. They look at it much more black and white, and leave out the emotions of it, and that will help you learn to move forward. If you have tried everything, and you don't see any hope then I don't see why you should wait any longer, and get on with your life.... The longer you put it off the harder it's going to be to move on. GL
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 8:37 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Hugs to ya. I don't have an answer for you but that sounds like my STBX-DH. I'm having the same problem in just getting up and going. I want out. I know my soon to be x-dh is going to turn everything around on me and make it my fault. I've told him I want a divorce but he's never taken it seriously. Doesn't help I'm still a SAHM. Good Luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:03 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • You just have to talk to him about it. Good luck.
    sherribeare

    Answer by sherribeare at 8:26 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • I agree. If you know that you both are unhappy can you simply, and calmly, talk it over? It might be easier than you think.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 8:28 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • He's very hostile. He also doesn't want to be the bad guy. He'll make me sound like such a horrible person to friends, family and clients simply to get sympathy. He thinks talking and confronting is the same thing.
    CassyzMom

    Comment by CassyzMom (original poster) at 8:38 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • I went through the same thing. But, just finally got to the point..I was tired of being unhappy, and just wasn't going to spend my life that way! I guess you just have to reach that point!! Good luck to you, I know it's hard.
    blueeyedbabyz

    Answer by blueeyedbabyz at 9:05 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • when it happens, he is sure to blame you and bad mouth you to others
    so what! you know this will happen, you know the truth, and SOME other people will too, if they believe him, again-so what
    you can handle that- you have handld his abuse toward you- you are strong
    relationships rarely end like a quick yank of a bandaid coming off, at least ones with kids, living together, did really love and ones with abuse
    abuse does not come on over night, it is a slow process of control and therefore takes longer for woman to end
    good luck, be strong- youCAN do this
    try to imagine your life in a year from now- it will give you bright outlook and something to work for when you have doubts
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:11 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • also
    step back and think, would you want your daughter with a man like this?
    no...? then why should you, and why make him the model of what a man should be or model to how a man treats a woman
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:12 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Maybe you could try counseling. At the very least a counselor could help you both work through a divorce peacefully and rationally
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:26 AM on Oct. 1, 2010

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