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What should reasonably be expected of a daughter-in-law?

I come from a very close family, and couldn't wait to grow up and get married so that I could welcome a husband and his family into my life as well. Well, I now have a husband, a baby, and (what I believe to be) a very demanding MIL. She is in her mid-40's, widowed, and raising my 15 year old brother-in-law on her own. Since she no longer has a spouse, she expects my hubby, our son and me to spend our weekends with her, talk to her nightly, give her advice (but only the advice she wants to hear) and help her with the various day to day tasks she finds herself too busy to take care of. With both my hubby and me watching our own son and working full time (and trying to establish our own family life) I find this a bit overwhelming. Should I suck it up, or put my MIL in her place?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Oct. 23, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • It's overboard!!!
    SAHMinIL

    Answer by SAHMinIL at 3:35 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • i wouldnt PUT HER IN HE RPLACE, but i wouldnt do the crap she demands. Next time she asks why you arent doing them, say you dont think you HAVE to do with and you wont. but i wouldnt just bring it up out of no where.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:35 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Yes, I agree. It's asking a bit much. Really, your husband should be the one to tell her that you need some space. It's his mother, after all.
    StarLee

    Answer by StarLee at 3:36 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • put her in her place. You have a family of your own to take care of, and it's not like she has younger kids. she can do things on her own. i have a MIL that has 2 kids under the age of 7 that takes both of them to school, goes grocery shopping, clothes shopping, keeps her house up and helps out voluntarily at their school, and she's in her 50's. so unless your MIL is handicap, or something else wrng with her she can take care of herself.
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 3:37 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Put her in her place
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:44 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Is your MIL the kind that was dependant on a man? It sounds as if she's trying to make you guys fit that role and while some involvement is great, I think she expects too much out of you. I do think your hubby needs to speak up but not blame it on you so as to cause her to resent you.
    Jessy0419

    Answer by Jessy0419 at 3:45 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • My divorced MIL did the exact same thing to me and my hubby She treated my DH like he was her Husband instead of her son. She would call every night (our private time)and want to know what we were doing. We had to move three states away to get away from her and all HER problems. If you have the balls to say something to her DO IT it's much easer than moving.LOL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:46 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Put her in her place, I had to do this with "my mom".
    Izzyscrazymom

    Answer by Izzyscrazymom at 3:56 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Yes do set some bounderies, but in a loving way. :) Best of luck to you!
    JCRestoredme

    Answer by JCRestoredme at 4:18 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Put her in her place!! He is a grown man and should be taking care of YOUR needs, not his moms. You are not accountable to her at all. My MIL has that problem with her MIL. My MIL is wonderful so I haven't had to go through this.
    MarlyeGirl

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 4:20 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

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