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How do you deal with an angry 14yr old boy?

I am the mom of 8 kids.My sonnjust turned 14 is driving me crazy. He is in general a good kid. He works hard, gets straight A's,plays football and wrestles. The problem is his mouth. He is very disrespectful when he talks to me. When I ask him to do something he screams and yells at me and throws a fit. Last night I asked him to just pick up the livingroom so we could all go to bed and he got furious. He called me foul names and even tried to hit me. His dad stepped in between us. He tries to intimidate me because he is bigger than me now, but I will not back down from him or anyone else. Then he said that I am not proud of him, and that I love all the other kids but not him. That is totally not true. I have always supported my kids in anything they do. I am always there for them, and I even tell them all good job or how proud I am of them. What should I do?

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Momof1614118642

Asked by Momof1614118642 at 1:21 PM on Oct. 1, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • He sounds in need of some counseling/therapy. Perhaps he is dealing with a lot of stress where school and sports are concerned and you're becoming the easy target for him to lash out at. You and your husband should sit down with him when he's not already angry, tell him that you've noticed he seems angry and stressed to you and you'd like to help him with it. See if you can get him to talk about what's bothering him and tell him that you think he might find it helpful to talk to someone else about it, too. Good luck.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 1:43 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • I have a 14 stepson who does the same thing only diff is he's a little guy. He stabbed me with a pencil when he first got here . I let it slide as I said to him you havnt got the onions. I guess he did. Later that month he hit me (in the arm) in anger. Didn't hurt. Idont hit him and expect not to be hit, so I called the cops. Filed a report and when the officer asked if I wanted to press charges we had a talk louder wink wink talk about it _yanno so he could hear too. Hasn't happened again. And tell the dispatch it is more of a scare tactic than anything. Most cops understand and will be happy to help. Good luck. Don't take his shit. Be strong. You can get through this. :)
    stepho345

    Answer by stepho345 at 1:44 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • maybe the next time he catches that attitude with you, you should talk to his coach about it, and perhaps he should miss a game or run extra laps or something. If he kept that crap up he would be losing his sports, and be grounded. I have small children still, but I worry about when my son gets bigger than me, I hope everything works out for u
    LuvMyMedic3ID

    Answer by LuvMyMedic3ID at 1:44 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • It's good that there is a male - father figure around. At first when I read your question I thought single Mom and son needs a male/father figure. I use to be a very very angry teenager - granted a girl. Sounds to me your son needs some 1 on 1 with mom. Go to the movies or a football game - something That He Likes... Do this at least 2x a month. Just You and Him. A mother and son date. It will give you guy's a chance to talk and let him know that he is - Special! But you will have to also set time aside for the other 7 kids. Money of course is always a problem with going out especially with such a large family... Picnic's are fun yet inexspensive. Buy a family yearly pass to the zoo/auquarium it's alot cheaper.... There's always Creative ways to say - I love you All as a whole, but most important I love you as an Individual! Good luck....
    emily1230

    Answer by emily1230 at 4:32 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • If he isn't on some kind of energy drink or other stimulant, he is probably stressed and/or his hormones are affecting how he feels and deals. The fact that he said you were not proud of him shows, I think, that he is ashamed of his behavior & that's good. He knows that what he did was not lovable, not that you don't love him-it's the way he lashes out that you won't allow. Maybe he should miss a game? My DD, 16, blows up when she is stressed and then later feels bad about dumping on the rest of the family. She has a low stress threshold, but we still expect her to deal with stuff, contribute, hold her grades up, etc. And if he can talk to someone neutral all the better. But you should talk to him first...as boys mature they actually tend to distance themselves from their mothers due to the male/female sexuality thing..but it's good that he's at least talking, you know? Tell him you love & care for him and give him your time.
    dflygirl7

    Answer by dflygirl7 at 6:49 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • I would take him out to lunch. Have a heart to heart talk, being very open and honest. I would tell him how he is making you feel. I would ask him what he thinks you can both do to solve this problem. He can't be happy either... something is bothering him, you need to find out what. Taking him out is good because you're on neutral ground, plus he'll feel special. Good luck.

    mp3mom

    Answer by mp3mom at 11:06 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • I have four teens and they constantly complain that we dont pay enough attention, we give the other one too much, and so on and so forth. Its their way of trying to let you know they are there. Then add in the testosterone and you have a reciepe for an out of control male! Let his dad deal with him. When my 13 yr old son acts like that, I turn him over to his father, who can physically intimate him and get him undercontrol. We always make an effort to spend time with each and everyone of our children, but even then, they don't feel that its fair. Keep doing what you are doing and allow your husband to show him how to appropriatly channel his aggression.
    momsbreak5654

    Answer by momsbreak5654 at 6:27 AM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • I would have a calm discussion with him about "he said that I am not proud of him, and that I love all the other kids but not him". Take him out for an ice cream or lunch-kids talk better then. He is very upset about something. Only you could know why! I feel bad for him
    NicolesMommy

    Answer by NicolesMommy at 3:00 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • My son at 14 wasn't quite this bad, but we definitely had issues with the mouth, mumbling things under breath and just being rude. I knew he was angry with me due to my leaving for 8 months, and when I came home I had a lot of rebuilding to do. What I can tell you is if your son is saying you're not proud of him, then he must feel that you aren't proud of him, either through your actions or your words, regardless of how you think you may be doing a great job he doesn't feel this. I sat my son down one day after I'd had enough. I had sent him to his room, and after about 30 minutes for us both to calm down I went to his room. I sat on his bed, and calmly told him that I love him and that I am tired of the way he talks to me, that it hurts me to think that he doesn't love me because of the way he talks to me. That I love him and am so proud of him and the only thing I want is for us to have a good relationship...cont
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 6:18 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • I told him that I want us to be able to pick up the phone and call each other when he's at college, when he gets married and has kids, I want him to come home and spend time with us. I told him we have only 3 rules in our house, and I ask very little of him. He has a lot of freedom that other kids don't have because I trust him and respect his choices. The conversation lasted about 30 minutes. I was in tears as I poured my heart out . By the end of the conversation he was crying, and hugged me, told me he loved me and was sorry. It was the best conversation we've had, and we have had very few issues since then. I tell him every day I love him, he kisses me on the cheek in the morning and at bed time, he loves to watch movies with me, go shopping and talk talk talk. I suggest having a heart to heart, and find some time where it can be just you and him. If that doesn't work, I suggest counseling to deal with the anger.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 6:23 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

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