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3 Bumps

What does it mean when my husband is mean to me over his mother?

My husband and I were married on May 15th of this year. We have been together for a short period of time, alittle over two years. From day one his mother has done nothing but lie about me, cause problems between the two of us and has never liked my children. She has called them terrible names and constantly tells him that they arent his? This has infuriated me all on its own, but there has been terrible things through out these two years. She didnot go to our wedding, in fact the day of she was in his place of employment bad mouthing the entire event. She told everyone she would not be caught dead there and would go to his second wedding with a woman who wasnt a **** and didnt have any ***! They had not talked since then, he had stated he was finally over it? Now they seem to have picked up right were they left off, except behind my back? We fight because i can not believe what is going on after everything. I am the blame?

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Doormat27

Asked by Doormat27 at 1:29 PM on Oct. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (20 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • You aren't to blame. She is being childish. But you cannot expect him to forget he has a mother. She still loves him and he loves her. As long as she is civil and respectful to you and behind your back, I would let it go. But the first time I hear that she is back at it, your DH needs to put his foot down.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 1:32 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • As much of a bitch she has been to you, she is still his mother. Sounds like enough time has passed that he misses her enough that he forgot how the bad times felt with her in your lives. I would stay far away from her but let him have his contact and soon enough she will destroy their relationship once more. That way he can't blame you for not having a relationship with her and maybe he will finally see how toxic she is to your marriage. Good luck hon:)
    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 1:33 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Dont let her destroy your marriage. Sounds like she is a pretty terrible person, but by being the better of the two your husband will just fall in love with you more. I cant imagine how much she has hurt you in the past, but for you and your husbands sake I would talk to your husband, say you understand, and let him know that you are willing to let the past be part of the past too. You never have to like her, but maybe invite her to dinner or something. Be the sweetest person in the entire world (and try not to make it look fake). Your husband will be so proud of you, that if his mom starts pulling stuff again I truelly believe he will want to protect you from that. If you are mean about it, and try to prevent them from spending time together then I think it will go the oppisite way, where he might start to side with his mom over you.
    -LovingMamma-

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 1:39 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Hey momma you are in a no win position my grandma hated my mom and called her the white witch and well other names you do like she did and stand up for yourself slap your husband around and say you do not have to creep around to see her. Also let her go and keep saying stuff like that do not take her crap and most of refuse to hear how you are to blame because your not.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:44 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Thanks i appreciate it. I have been keeping my distance and trying not to say anthing or remind him. Its hard because today we ran into here and she gave me a dirty look and never acknowledged me or our daughter. It kind of set me back because i watched as he stood there talking to her like nothing ever happened. She has done terrible things to me,. lied about me and even called CPS to just be vendictive? I am a christian woman and i have forgiven her, its the forgetting part i cant get over? I just feel like he should be our protecter or something, to always defend his family? I feel betrayed, and very very hurt? I know thats his mom, since weve been together though i have sat by and watched as she has hurt him over and over as well as me? She only seems to be in his life when she needs money or when she is talking bad about his siblings? I dont want her to break up my marriage because i really love him?
    Doormat27

    Comment by Doormat27 (original poster) at 1:48 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Why did you even marry a man that lets his mother treats you and your kids this way?
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:52 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • i suggest family counseling. you need someone objective that can look at the whole picture and help you guys communicate. no matter how crazy she is or how much she hurts him he'll always lover her because she's his mom. a therapist can help him set up healthy boundaries with her.
    rfurlongg

    Answer by rfurlongg at 2:34 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • SORRY THAT UR BEING TREATED LIKE SHIT AND U SEEM LIKE A VERY NICE LADY AND DON'T DESERVE ANY OF THIS....I KNOW BECAUSE I WENT THROUGH SOMETHING VERY SIMILAR ....MY HUSBAND AND I BOTH WROTE HER A NOTE TELLING HER WHAT SHE HAS DONE AND SAID TO US AND HOW IT HAS HURT US PERSONALLY AND AS A FAMILY AND IF SHE WANTS ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP WITH HER SON OR GRAND KIDS THEN WE MUST ALL BE TREATED WITH RESPECT OR WE WILL CUT ALL TIES...THIS CAUSED A BIG ARGUMENT AND MADE HER VERY UPSET AND SHE ALSO DIDN'T TALK TO US FOR A FEW MONTHS ,BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT MADE HER STRAIGHTEN HER ASS UP FOR THE MOST PART....STAND UP FOR UR SELF AND UR HUBAND NEED TO STAND UP 4 U AND PROTECT UR AND UR KIDS , HE NEED TO LET HER KNOW SHE DON'T HAVE TO LIKE U BUT SHE WILL RESPECT U OR HE WON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER, MOTHER OR NO MOTHER U R HIS WIFE & MOTHER OF HIS KIDS AND ACCEPT THE FACT THAT HE HAS ANOTHER WOMEN IN HIS LIFE BESIDES HER!!!!
    angie3897

    Answer by angie3897 at 2:57 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • no his mom needs to move on and grow up your husband married you for a reason and she has to accept the fact.
    Lynnsae

    Answer by Lynnsae at 4:26 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

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