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2 Bumps

Are you a parent of a chlid with RAD, ODD or other severe behavior issues?

My Ds1's behavior is only getting worse.
Over the last year and half that he's been in my care i have seen him improve with leaps and bounds. And now i feel like we are going backwards at an accelerated rate. Even worse, we're not just going backwards to the behavior he demonstrated when I first inherited him but back to the kind of behavior he displayed when he was living with my mom (his first adopted mother. he's biologically my second cousin).
Unfortunately, because of the way he came into my care I can not get him any therapy until the adoption is complete, which should be within 2 months at the most. But i don't know how much longer i can handle this behavior without the guidance of a professional. In this week alone I have had to restrain him 3 times. And this time he managed to dig his nails into my arm enough to tear my skin.
Advice? Books? Resources?

Answer Question

Asked by outstandingLove at 3:19 PM on Oct. 1, 2010 in Adoption

Level 20 (9,136 Credits)
Answers (30)
  • keep on with the restraining even though he is digging into your skin. Hold him in front of you his back to your stomach then put your legs on his legs and cross his arms and hold his hands and pull toward you, my dr. calls it the BASKET hold. message me if you aren't understanding the hold and i will explain it more.
    Books " the out of sync child" is a good one. i hope this helps a little

    Answer by Ericha7 at 3:25 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • How old is the child? Has there been a diagnosis? Was alcohol/drugs involved in the mother's pregnancy? Does the child go to school? preschool? Do you have other kids? Are you sure you want to take responsibility for this child and all the consequences?


    Answer by Gailll at 3:26 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Gailll
    the child is almost 6 years old
    No, there has not be a technical diagnosis. however, my mother in law is getting her PhD in psychology and we talk about DS1 at length.
    Yes, the bio mother used meth through out her pregnancy.
    No, he does not go to school. I homeschool him.
    yes, i have a stepson.
    Yes, i am sure i want to take responsibility for this child and all the consequences. I love him. and i've been an active part of his life sense he was 3 months old.

    Comment by outstandingLove (original poster) at 3:33 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • It's great you have family support. Having a child with psychiatric issues can break marriages and families apart and the mother can be left on her own. I have a son with bipolar disorder. His father has bipolar and was diagnosed during my pregnancy. He wouldn't take meds, became violent, and it was the end of our brief marriage. My son first started having unusual behavior when he was 2. I had 2 older children (5 & 8 when he was born) so I was an experienced mom. He had developmental and medical issues and was already being treated at a children's hospital. They said it was ADHD. I didn't think so. The ADHD drugs never worked. I was in grad school and my doctoral minor was counseling psych. By 11 I was sure it was bipolar. He saw a good child psychiatrist and got on good meds, a must for bipolar. He is now 22.


    Answer by Gailll at 4:11 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • We homeschooled and he started working when he was 15. He made it through the teen years with no major problems. He now has a good job, bought his own home with a pool in Tucson when he was 21, has a nice Jeep, and is going to college. How did we get from age 6 to now. He would have times before meds when he would loose it for no reason and we would have to restrain him. I read many parenting books, been to parenting courses, and taken psychology courses. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen is a good book. You may be parenting a long time. I still live with my son (I'm disabled) and do a lot to keep his life together. He was being mean to me and I found out he stopped taking one of his meds. He is on all of his meds & back to normal.  


    Answer by Gailll at 4:24 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Advice. Expect parenting a child with a behavioral (psychiatric) disorder to be a time and energy consuming long-term commitment. The teen years can be very bad and you need to start preparing for them way ahead of time. You can't use punishment as your parenting style and expect it to work when he is a teen. There may be problems with school (if he is going), the police, girls getting pregnant, suicide attempts, property damage, all kinds of bad things. The hormones make everything worse. Make sure you get an accurate diagnosis and good care. Go to any classes you can in the community or college courses. Learn stress management.


    Answer by Gailll at 4:36 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Being a successful and happily married military wife I am not concerned with DS1's issues breaking up my marriage. (Divorce rate in military is 90ish percent)
    I have taken several classes in Early Childhood Education and used to provide respite care families of children with ASD. My sister is bipolar and my younger brother has ASD.
    I am well aware of what i am up against. I know what to expect during the teen years and what challenges we might face. Not to mention that his bio grandmother (my aunt) is schizophrenic which puts him at risk of that as well.

    However, an issue like RAD or ODD is different than bipolar in the sense that RAD and ODD is not something a child is born with. A child with issues such as these has suffered great trauma.

    Comment by outstandingLove (original poster) at 4:50 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • My son has diagnosed RAD. It is SUPER FUN!!! *sarcastic* You are right in the fact that RAD a child is not born with. You will be hard pressed to find a psychologist that even knows what RAD is, you will probably have better luck with a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (Tricare does accept them.) Have you tried getting him on Tricare or your just waiting? If you have already tried and they denied it than try your local mental health center some of them charge on a sliding scale. There is no medication for him to take this young except a mood stabilizer. My son was passed around a lot as a baby and never attached to a primary caregiver so, he has no faith in adults especially women, lucky me! If you go to it has therapy steps for you and him.


    Answer by matthewscandi at 6:35 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • With my son it came to him having to ask for everything so, he would learn that we were in control not him. It sounds awful but, your going to have to take him down a peg or two because he thinks he can do whatever he wants. Being that he lived with your mother first he probably got away with a lot more and now he is not getting away with anything so, he is testing you. Look up attachment disorders also to see if there is anything that can help that way also. It is rough, I am not going to lie. My son is violent, lies and steals. But, he can be very loving also. Good luck.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 6:35 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • I hate ODD as a diagnosis...I'm a therapist and it is a pet peve diagnosis in my personal opinion. I try to avoid it unless I truly have a what the fuck situation. I even hate RAD. Too over used in so many cases. Sometimes the simpler things are easier. Like depressed. Very very very depressed. But instead we want to slap on this lable because depression is not glamous enough. Well Hell yes you are going to have issues warming up to people if you have been sexually messed with all your life, living with PTSD, and now are forced to call these new people Mom and Dad. I'm sorry to be so blunt but I see so many people who WANT and DEMAND a diagnosis of RAD and ODD and Bipolar disorder. But the deal is that some children are flat out traumatized and for some reason parents don't want to acknowledge the PTSD aspect. I see parents who want to rush things, try to over do it, and push a child to their breaking point.

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:06 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

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