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Should parents of bullies face consequences? Should raising a bully be treated as child abuse?

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NotPanicking

Asked by NotPanicking at 3:59 PM on Oct. 1, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 51 (421,172 Credits)
Answers (39)
  • Yes! All of these parents of these horrible children that are bullying innocent children should face consequences! Parents should be involved in their children's lives and teach them that bullying is completely wrong! I am tired of hearing about poor, innocent children committing suicide because of severe bullying. It makes me sick!
    xxlilmomma09

    Answer by xxlilmomma09 at 4:01 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • I hate to tell you this but you can try and make your children comply and follow the rules, know right from wrong and treat people with respect. But you can't MAKE them do it. It is a child's choice and it only under their power to be a kind caring individual. It frustrates me because both of my kids were victims of a bully, but I knew the parents of these kids and they weren't like that at all. I can't think of one parent that wants their kids to be a bully. Work with the school. Protect your kids and do the best you can as a parent. It is too easy for kids to become a target when their parents take on a bully independently. It doesn't go over well socially for them either. The victim can become known as a tattle tale and more bullies get involved. Trust me, I know!
    Lifes-A-Dance

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 4:03 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • I hate to tell you this but you can try and make your children comply and follow the rules, know right from wrong and treat people with respect. But you can't MAKE them do it. It is a child's choice and it only under their power to be a kind caring individual.

    Well, you can "MAKE" them do it. You can have consistent consequences for their actions that demonstrate to them the seriousness of their behavior. Grounding them and then making an exception 2 days later isn't consistent. Paying lipservice to telling them how to behave and then ignoring it every time they do it again isn't consistent. Unless you're suggesting that all bullies are sociopaths?
    NotPanicking

    Comment by NotPanicking (original poster) at 4:08 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • I think that they should be held responsible to an extent, but I don't consider it child abuse if a child is a bully. I mean...I'm sure there are instances where the bully may be subjected to abuse by their parents, but I don't think that every bully is abused.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 4:10 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • And another thing...I don't think that a lot of parents are aware that their children are bullies. I knew plenty of bullies growing up, and some of their parents had no idea because no one ever got them involved. When at home, the kids acted just fine, but the second they got around other kids, they'd bully them. That's precisely why parents should be told, warned, and if nothing is done to help the situation, be held responsible in some way.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 4:11 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Kids learn what they live. Bullies are made, not born. Parents of bullies are partly to blame.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 4:14 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • The Parents of bullies do face consequences. They can be sued legally and be held liable for damages incurred. They could lose everything they have. As far as the the child abuse correlation, I do not see the connection unless you are saying that Parents who beat there kids, have kids more likely to be abusive to others, that may very well be. Kids may learn to hit and be abusive because thay have been abused. That is interesting but I can't say that it applies to all bully type children. But who knows??

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 4:15 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • No. Just because a child is a bully doesn't mean their parents are doing anything wrong... Bullies are created out of a number of circumstances, and not all are things the parents can control. Usually bullies are "angry" about things which they can't control, so they focus that anger on to things they can control - smaller or weaker children. Children who's parents are divorcing, sick or simply forced to work long hours and leave the child with sitters long term (limiting parent to child contact) are more likely to be bullies out of a need to control something in their lives. These aren't always things parents can control... A mother with cancer shouldn't be punished because her child is acting out, the child should get help... People tend to label bullies (and their parents) as bad people, when in reality they are usually people who simply have "special" needs and need help - not punishment...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 4:16 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • No...often times it is the parents, but not always. There are plenty of parents who provided happy/safe/loving/nurturing homes to kids who grew up to be serial killers. Are you going to hold them accountable too?
    Some kids ARE wired to be dangerous. It has been proven that the ability to act without remorse is due to a physical imbalance.

    Do I think there are ALOT of parents who teach their kids to be intolerant? yes. Would I love the opportunnity to smack those parents silly? Yes. Can you prosecute some one for what some one else did? of course not. All it takes is a power in numbers for a "Lord of the Flies" mentality to effect even the nicest of kids.
    jenellemarie

    Answer by jenellemarie at 4:19 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • No. Just because a child is a bully doesn't mean their parents are doing anything wrong... Bullies are created out of a number of circumstances, and not all are things the parents can control. Usually bullies are "angry" about things which they can't control, so they focus that anger on to things they can control - smaller or weaker children. Children who's parents are divorcing, sick or simply forced to work long hours and leave the child with sitters long term (limiting parent to child contact) are more likely to be bullies out of a need to control something in their lives. These aren't always things parents can control... ...."

    I agree with a lot of this, but not all. Not every bully has a mother with cancer, or anything like that. I knew bullies who were simply spoiled, snotty little brats who were used to getting everything they wanted and thought they were better than everyone. Those sort of bullies deserve punishment.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 4:20 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

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