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4 Bumps

How does an open relationship hurt the kids? adult content

I really want to know. I mean, if it works for both partners, how can it hurt the kids? Kids shouldn't be involved in any couples sex life (whether they be hetero, gay, BDSM, open, or anything else)! And if both partners only engage in "openness" away from home, how would the kids even know unless the parents told them?
-Ashley

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spiritguide_23

Asked by spiritguide_23 at 10:22 PM on Oct. 1, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 23 (16,700 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • Kids know when something is up. They might not know exactly what it is, but they can tell something is going on. I dont think it's teaching them anything good, kwim?
    MommaTurbo

    Answer by MommaTurbo at 10:25 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • The kids may not ever know if they are younger, but as they get older, rumors fly that could be hurtful. i was an adult when my parents began doing something similar, and it ruined their marriage and almost ruined my relationship with them. It's very risky and it's playing with fire. Make sure you think things through completely and you are prepared for the consequenses
    musichollie

    Answer by musichollie at 10:25 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • My best friend growing up, Julia, had a Dad that would bring other women into the house. Her Mom didn't want to argue so she let it happen. He actually started having a relationship with one of the women outside of sex, and allowed her to move in with them. He kicked Julia out of her room and gave it to his new girlfriend and her little boy. Julia got the living room couch. Needless to say she hates her Dad and doesn't speak to him. She says she feels like he chose his women over her. I know your post is about if the kids don't know, but in this instance the child did know. Just adding my second hand knowledge :D
    firethearson

    Answer by firethearson at 10:32 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Anything a mate does affects the marriage. How healthy a marriage is affects the children even if they do not know what it is, they are still afffected. When they get older, it will affect the way they look at their parents and feel about them. Any parents that think an open marriage will not affect the children are fooling themselves.
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 10:33 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • it affects the kids because the time mommy and daddy is using to get their rocks off with other people, is time that could be spent with their children. when are people going to realize that life is too short to be wasting time on things other than their family. smh

    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 11:23 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • If both members are okay with it, and you aren't parading people to the bedroom in front of your kids, and your marriage is healthy because or in spite of it, I don't see the harm. Just stay safe and use BC (how do you explain how the new baby doesn't look ANYTHING like daddy?) ;)
    stringtheory

    Answer by stringtheory at 11:24 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Children learn from how their parents live their lives. But with an open relationship, I wouldn't think that would leave a good impression on the child as he or she grows up. How is this supposed to show our children how to be committed in a relationship and trust someone is they are always seeing someone different with their mother or father? I would imagine that when they grow up they have will have multiple relationship issues of their own.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:20 AM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • First, family time is extremely important and should not be wasted, but if parents do not take time for themselves the mariage is doomed to failure just as easily. If the parents are responible and careful, an open marriage is no different than having a large group of friends. Open marriages rarely work though unless both partners are in argeement. So just like a closed marriage, there are rules that must be followed and if broken are just as devastating. It's sad that most americans feel that sex and monogamy are strict requirements for a happy, healthy family. As with other generalizations based on anecdotal evidence, it simply isn't true.
    tayanna2

    Answer by tayanna2 at 1:00 AM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • It doesn't matter if you engage in it at home or outside of the home, the children pick up on something not being right. They can tell that the relationship between their parents is not what it should be. As they get older they begin to catch on more and more. They can tell that things between their parents are not the way that they should be. If you have an open relationship, I am sorry but I do not believe it is possible to have a relationship that is committed and loving as it should be. It is not a generalization that monogamy is a requirement for a happy marriage...it is a fact.
    hsmominky

    Answer by hsmominky at 1:05 AM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • Totally agree with tayanna. And I am curious why open relationships are so very hated, when the people that hate them are not affected by them at all. Mind your own business, people. There are lots of people you know that do things behind closed doors that you wouldn't agree with. It doesn't make them bad parents. And there are LOTS of bad parents out there that look perfectly "normal" to you all who are so quick to judge.
    getrealmama

    Answer by getrealmama at 1:28 AM on Oct. 2, 2010

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